Normality
by veebeejustte
Summary: Sequel to Mortality. After the loss at the end of the previous novel, Ferb and the rest of the gang must cope with the new arrangements resulting. The boys attempt to form a plan to return everyone to normal (or a sense of normal), but the chance of success looks slim. Rated T for violence, minor romance (Phinabella), and bloody vampire stuff. Flames welcomed and encouraged.
1. Prologue: Bitten and Smitten

**A/N: Hello, people of the universe! I'm back! Now, if you're just joining us, please read the first book in the series, Mortality. Otherwise you will be ****extremely confused by all this. Anyway, this story leans more toward romance than the last one, but I'll still try not to make it too fluffy. Now, everyone's a year older than they were in the last one, so Phineas, Iz, and Brittany are 17, Ferb and Buford are 19, and Candace is 22. We cool with that? Good, now read:**

First matter of this story: the ultimate one. The one people fight against. The one that loses loved ones forever. The one that is so depressing but oh, so inevitable.

My dear, how disturbing it is. If you came here to read about unicorns and rainbows, you came to the wrong place. This is horror, folks. Perhaps humorous horror, with a touch of romance, but it's pretty horrific.

We must first discuss mortality. The inevitable death of all mankind. To add a few more 'M' words, it's also about murder, malice, _le meurs_, melancholy, and madness. Delightful, right?

Now, for Ferb. He was thinking of all of those 'M' words, for he had done the unthinkable, and he couldn't live with himself because of it. His unbeating heart had been shattered into a million pieces. Now, this was pretty much his fault, which made him feel even worse.

Isn't he a little too young to be getting into this much trouble?

_ Je ne pense pas!_ He's nineteen, for crying out loud! Now the real question: What in the heck did he do? What had he done? Well, that's the same question Ferb was asking himself. So here we are, the start of the story. Let's hear it!

What had he done? What had he done?! He had loved her dearly. But even his undying love was not enough to change what had happened.

She had wanted him to bite her. She was naïve; she did not know how hard it would be for him to resist. Ferb had, of course, refused, but even she knew that he had a weakness for her. She had kissed him, and he had made the sorry mistake of kissing back. Their lips stayed bound together for quite some time, and whenever they stopped for breath, Vanessa mumbled, "Bite me. Bite me now."

Ferb always replied, "No", but after a while, just when he thought she had forgotten about her horrid desire to become a vampire, she jolted her head upward so that Ferb's lips were on her neck.

"Bite me..."

Taken by surprise, he slowly sank his teeth into her neck. Venom rushed into her body, and she started screaming in agony. He should've stopped then. He should've drawn back and let her transform. But her warm, sweet blood, so close to his teeth...

How could he resist? The venomous bite, which makes a vampire, was quickly replaced by the drinking of her blood. The warm, sweet, metallic substance went from her neck to Ferb's mouth. In his mind, he was screaming to himself, _Stop! You'll kill her!_ But his instincts led him, and he lost the willpower to control his actions. By the time he finally got hold of himself, it was too late. There she was, pale-faced, cold, breathless, eyes open but looking at nothing. Ferb knew what had happened. He couldn't say it though; it was too horrible. He could hardly think it, hardly believe it.

She was dead.

As he had swept back into human-like consciousness, he noticed yet another one of his countless dead corpses. But this one was different. He had known and loved this one. She had died on account of his excruciating stupidity, along with her persistent naïveté. It was horrible. _How dare he?_ Tears of venom had dripped off his face and singed her skin. He cradled the dead body as a young girl would a baby doll. For the first time in months, pain and sorrow filled his heart. Then, suddenly, he felt something.

A hand on his cheek. Her hand on his cheek; as if her ghost had come to comfort him. And for a while it did until, as quick as it came, the hand left. Then he had cried even harder.

There was sadly only one thing to do: bury her. She was, after all, a corpse. As horrible as it sounds, Ferb had a spot for dead bodies, necessary since he was in fact a murderer. Digging his shovel into the dirt, he felt something starting to burn his face. The sun. The sun was already starting to rise. He pulled his hood over his face before continuing. "Avoid the sun at all costs? Check!" Ferb muttered under his breath. "Fangs and red eyes?! Check!"

He glanced at Vanessa. "Extraction of blood from innocent humans?! Check!"

Seeing that the hole was already ten feet deep, Ferb flung his shovel farther than he could see. "Spot to bury people? Check!" Flies started to flock toward the bodies that were already in the hole. "_My own dead girlfriend_?! _Check_! I am officially the _biggest freak ever to walk on this planet!_" Had his hood been down, he would indeed have looked a tad freakish; his nostrils flared, his fangs bared, and his eyes opened as wide as they would go.

He turned to Vanessa, "And yet you still loved me! How on earthcould you possibly love a murderer?! A monster! Freak of the world! You are _such a freaking idiot_! Completely mad! What possessed you to even show any interest in me?! Why?! Why, Vanessa?!" He waited for the answer that didn't come, though he swore he heard someone mutter 'blood' under their breath. Probably Ferb himself, knowing his tendencies to think such thoughts. He sighed. It was time.

Slowly, he walked to Vanessa.

Blood.

Where had that come from? There wasn't any blood for miles around. He shook the single word off; it must've been a fluke. He gingerly picked her up and walked to the ditch, and slowly lowered her down into the hole. This would be the last time he ever saw her.

"Goodbye, love..." Ferb looked down at her one last time, "I'm sorry..." Then he buried her as fast as he could, so as to feel as little pain as possible for her death.

It wasn't until after the sun set that night that he thought to call Phineas. Engulfed in tears, he explained the situation. He lied about his guilt; he didn't want give him the the satisfaction. He listened as he found out Phineas' decision, unwise suicide. He never said it aloud but it was fairly obvious from his tone. But that still didn't top the fact that he had killed his own girlfriend. His own Vanessa...

That was two weeks ago.

Ferb remained hidden in the woods with only one name, one person on his mind. The name brought a new rush of tears every time, but he didn't care. Her death deserved tears. She was brilliant, she was beautiful, she was (and the name brought new tears):

Vanessa.

**A/N: You like it? Answer any questions?**


	2. Heart Attack

**A/N: Well, that was a while... Anyway, I'm trying to make my chapters substantially longer; this one came to about 1500 words, and I want something like 3000 by the time I'm done with this story. Wish me luck with that, and keep reading and reviewing!**

He let go.

What else could he do? It was for Candace's own protection, as well as Isabella's, and his parents', as well as everyone else's. As he fell, the wind swept around his hair and clothes, and time seemed to slow down. Gravity, his friend and his foe, the force that brought the death of many, many people, now sought him as prey.

What would his last thought be? Certainly not the ever so pessimistic, "Goodbye, cruel world"?

Something spontaneous and in-character. That'd work well.

Then he looked down at the spire, and his heart skipped a beat. The long death-trap was not aligned...

Judging from the angle (and Phineas knew angles), the edge of his jeans would catch on the pillar, leaving the rest of him- oof!

His head banged against the silver, leaving him bloody and knocked out, with very little chance of help.

When Candace finally dared to look, she saw the very epitome gore. Phineas' leg was bent in a gruesome angle, and he was coated in blood. That probably means 'dead' by typical standards, but this is Candace we're talking about. Her first thought was, 'Let's see, if I can tie my scarf to my earbuds, that'll give me ten feet out of the thirty I need...' This was the Candace who spent the last seventeen years of her life with the oddest kid on the planet, and it was quite obviously rubbing off on her. She would find a way.

Then she saw what could possibly be the most convenient thing in the world: a rope attached to a wall labeled, "In Event of Emergency".

She ran to the rope and quickly made her way back to the Phineas' gory visage. She tied the best knot she possibly could to the edge of the building, weighed down by some odd looking ray gun, and slowly made her way down to her brother. When she got down to him, she carefully tied the remaining length of rope around Phineas' blood-stained waist.

Now came the hard part: climbing up and pulling Phineas to safety. The climbing part was simple enough; she had done this plenty of times at her gym class in high school. Her hands bled as she strained up the rough, clawing rope, but it was certainly a doable task. The more difficult part was lifting a werewolf without killing herself. She'd worry about Phineas too, but he already seemed gone. She yanked upward, but the heavily accented voice of the man who lived there interrupted her.

"Hey! Who kicked down my door again?! Perry the Platypus, are you there? Or- wait, why is the door to the balcony open? And who are you?!"

Candace gave a petrified expression and asked, "Will you help me pull him up?"

Dr. D raised an eyebrow, "What are you doing on the balcony? And why do you look like somebody just shot your puppy?"

Candace almost laughed at that comment. "Questions later. Just help me pull for now!"

So, shrugging in defeat, Doof grabbed on to the rope and pulled with Candace until Phineas appeared in the balcony again.

"What happened?!" Doofenshmirtz asked.

Candace ignored him. Her brother couldn't possibly be alive.

He'd lost so much blood that he had Ferb's complexion, and all his limbs looked bent and broken.

This was the fate of the smartest, kindest genius ever to walk the planet? Fate must be pretty darn cruel.

Candace bit her lip. He looked so broken, so depressing, so...

"Busted," Candace mouthed. After all these years, Candace's wish had come true. Phineas was certainly busted. Busted, bloody, broken, dead. This was not at all what Candace had meant. She wanted revenge for getting away with his crazy contraptions, not suicide, not blood, not death.

Tears streamed down her face, and her breath came in struggled gasps. The man in the lab coat left the balcony, muttering under his breath.

Candace gritted her teeth. "Phineas, you idiot! Why do you need to be so oblivious?! Always in the best interest of everyone else, huh?! If only you could see me now! If only you could've _lived_ to see me!"

Her eyes burned from crying, and her voice sounded shaky, "Please, come back. Don't die; I won't be able to live with myself... You'll drive me crazy, I'll- I'll die, you hear me? I will die without you! Now please, come back..."

She wiped her eyes with her hands, and heard naught but a muffled cough. Expecting the impossible, she stared at her brother.

There came a twitch, and then he opened an eye. In a dry, cracked voice, he said, "Candace?"

For a moment, she stood there with her mouth in a large 'O' shape. Then the ends of her mouth pulled upward into a smile.

"Phineas!" She rushed toward him and hugged him; blood, gore, and all.

"Candace... ribs... broken...can't... breathe..."

"Oh! Sorry, I just... You were dead..." Her eyes widened.

Phineas attempted to sit up, failing miserably. "Uh, think you could get me to a hospital?"

Candace gave a quick nod, pulled out her cell phone, and dialed 911.

After about fifteen minutes, Phineas was on his way to the ER, with Candace following in her car.

"If he isn't out of there by the time Mom and Dad get back, I am so busted," she muttered. "Not Phineas. He never gets busted. It's always me..."

"At least he's alive... That's an improvement."

It took three days.

Six broken bones, seventy percent of his blood was lost, and it still only took three days.

He even managed to walk out of the hospital by himself. He used crutches, but it was still miraculous.

"You know, all because you're a werewolf, doesn't mean you have to show off," Candace said. "Can't you use a wheelchair like a normal person?"

"Yeah, but where would be the fun in that?" Phineas shot her his typical mischievous grin.

Candace sighed. Seeing as they were already at her car, she unlocked it and opened the door on the passenger side.

"What, I don't get to drive?" Phineas, noticing Candace's threatening glare, then added, "Just kidding," before getting into the car.

Candace sat at the driver's seat and turned on the car. Driving back home, she asked, "So, what happened to Ferb?"

"Dunno. I haven't heard from him since he called me three days ago; ya know, before I went ballistic."

"Huh... So, you're not gonna try to kill yourself again, are you?"

Phineas gulped, "That depends on Isabella's reaction to her breakup..."

"Breakup? You broke up with Isabella?"

"You could say that... I'm not sure if she'll want me back."

Then Candace giggled, "What? Dude, if you knew just how long she liked you, you wouldn't even be wondering... Of course she'll want you back!"

Phineas' eyes widened, "You sure?"

"Absolutely certain."

**A/N: And there you have it, folks, Phineas is alive. See, I don't think I could handle a story in which one of the two main characters died. I can handle a supporting character (Vanessa), but not Phineas. So he lives! Yay! Bye!**


	3. Normal?

**A/N: Hey peeps, what's up? I hope you're doing alright, but since younguys aren't reviewing, I don't know. I mean, you could be, like, dying and I wouldn't know. Special thanks to woodland5 for reviewing. If there were more reciewers, Iwould add to the list, but there aren't, so I won't. Anyway, here's the next chapter!**

_Back to normal_, Ferb thought. Then he laughed, "Right, normal. Like that's going to  
happen!"

He didn't know why he came back home, but there he was, on the front porch. How long had it been? Three weeks? For all he knew, Phineas would already be gone. Phineas, gone. The thought suddenly struck him.

He was gone, because of the paranoid crap he'd said to him; the melodramatic spiel he had said in a desperate rush of guilt and anguish. Go figure.

Sighing, he knocked on the door. He heard some metallic banging on the wooden floor, and as the door opened, he was greeted by the smiling face of... Phineas! The teenager was the same as ever, the optimistic smile, the blue eyes shining in an odd average of innocence and mischief, his aura radiating cheer.

Phineas seemed shocked, but happy all the same. He quickly turned toward the stairs and shouted, "Candace! It's Ferb!"

"Hey Ferb!" Phineas turned his attention back to his step-brother. It was then that Ferb finally noticed the state in which Phineas greeted him, and the reason his arms appeared to be frozen in the middle of a shrug.

"Uh, hi. What's with the crutches?"

As Candace came down the stairs, Phineas looked at the ground. He escorted Ferb to the living room (crutches and all), darkened the room, and all three sat down.

Then something clicked. The cast, Candace's bitter expression, everything. Phineas had tried to kill himself like Ferb had originally thought, and failed. "You tried to commit suicide, didn't you?"

Candace replied coyly, "He did, and if it wasn't for me, he'd be dead."

Ferb came here to look for normality. Gosh, normal? This was the opposite of normal! "Uh, okay... What else is new?"

Phineas used what had grown into the typical sarcastic reply to that question: "I'm a werewolf."

"No, really, what's new?"

Some shrugs and distant mumbling about restaurants and such.

"Your lives were really that uneventful?" Ferb raised an eyebrow. "No light-sabers or roller-coasters or anything?"

"Well, what did you do?" Phineas smirked. "Two weeks by yourself? Bet you had tons of fun!"

Ferb didn't really know what to say here. Phineas was obviously expecting a list of fun things he had built, or people he had met, or at least his list of killings (which for some reason was blank at the time being). And what had he done? Nothing worth calling 'fun'. In the past week he had been wandering around trying to avoid thinking of his beloved Vanessa, and before that he had been in the woods. He shouldn't depress them with his mourning. That was unnecessary; he had already done enough damage. He sighed, and after was seemed like forever, settled for sarcasm. "Oh, it was just brill! Murdered my girlfriend, buried her corpse, spent two weeks crying in the woods!"

"Oh," was all Phineas could say. That was right. He had killed Vanessa. Here he was complaining about his stupid broken ankle, and Ferb had accidentally killed his girlfriend. That seemed a bit selfish. Or was it the other way around? Ferb was the one who killed his girlfriend! But that didn't make sense; it's not like he did that on purpose!

"So, anyone want pancakes?" Candace tried to lighten the mood of the situation, though she completely forgot one huge gap in that plan.

Ferb rolled his eyes, then seeing that nobody noticed, pulled his hood off and rolled his eyes again. Why had he left his hood up anyway? Phineas had darkened the room enough for him.

"Oh, right..." Candace instinctively edged away. She would never get used to seeing Ferb as a monster. Weren't vampires supposed to be, like, beautiful immortals who sparkled in the sunlight? Because Ferb was neither beautiful nor sparkly.

Ferb put his hood up, a bit embarrassed by Candace's reaction. _I'm not _that_ scary, am I?_

"Speaking of food, did you, uh..." Phineas searched for a word, "drink anything in the last three weeks?"

"Uh, no."

Phineas gave a frightened glare at Ferb, then at Candace.

"Any warning signs ya wanna put up?" Phineas asked suspiciously. Great, now he was a reckless vampire, too. _You'd think that he'd be _more_ careful after the whole Vanessa incident!_

"Ooh!" Candace said in a voice that smelled of fangirl, "Maybe he turned into Edward Cullen! Ya know, like, only drinking animal blood!" Perhaps he is like Michael or Edward after all!

Ferb put his hood down again, "Need I say 'that's disgusting'?"

"Pfft! It was just an idea! Now, please, put your hood back up." Nope. Nothing like a real vampire at all.

Phineas grinned. "Well, it would be useful. Not having to worry about you killing tons of people..." In his mind, Phineas added the words, 'like Vanessa', but he wasn't about to say that aloud to Ferb.

Ferb smacked himself on the forehead. "Look, that'd be like drinking the blood of a werewolf: disgusting and poisonous. Not happening." _Why are we even discussing this?_

Phineas bit his lip. "I'm poisonous?" _Like, if you tried to drink my blood, you'd die? Why are there so many things that kill vampires? And they're so random; like stakes, and daylight, and fire, and werewolves, and silver..._

"Think about it, I was once human, and humans need human blood to survive. It doesn't make sense that I can suddenly live off of animal blood once I'm a vampire. I'm half-dead, but the half that's alive is still human."

"Half-dead. That sounds pretty depressing," remarked Candace, "Now, like I said before, can you please put your hood up?"

"Who freaking cares if my hood's down?!" Ferb bared his fangs. For a second, the animal vampire in his head thought, 'stupid human'.

Phineas whispered in a grave voice, "Outside. Now, Ferb."

The vampire was obviously starting to look like a threat, and Phineas wanted to avoid threats at all costs. What was he thinking? _Why not add Candace to the list of dead loved ones?_

Ferb ignored him. He was tired of this. He was officially done running from humans. He was also done with drinking their blood; it stopped now.

Blood.

No, not a drop of blood.

Blood.

None, not now, not ever. No blood for Ferb.

Blood!

Never! Never would he ever! He wouldn't even think of it!

Blood, blood, blood!

He wouldn't kill, not again. It would be too horrible after Vanessa. Why did he need blood, anyway?

Venomous sweat fell off his face. _Calm down... Calm down..._

Phineas looked at Ferb with wide eyes, "Ferb, don't! Don't you dare!" If he so much as laid a finger on Candace, he would be ready.

Ferb calmed himself. He could control himself. Sighing, he replied, "Don't worry, I'm fine."

He put his hood up.

He would not scare Candace or Phineas like that again.

"Sorry, I-" he tried to explain.

"You almost killed her! What were you thinking?!" Phineas' words bit Ferb hard.

"I wasn't. That's how I make those mistakes. That's how Vanessa died."

"So, how did you stop yourself?" Candace asked, "Just now, you were about to go insane, but you stopped. How?"

"I made myself feel guilty. I made myself think of Vanessa."

"Guilty?" Phineas raised an eyebrow, "That's impossible."

"Not anymore."

There was silence for awhile, then he excused himself to his room. There he found the epitome of all evil in the universe: the Author. Quickly, he grabbed her shirt by the collar and yanked her up, eye-level to him.

"Why did you did this to me?! Why?!"

The Author smirked, and suddenly, she was on the ground. "Well, you two typically seem to meet halfway." She winked, and then she was gone.

For them to meet halfway would impossible at this point. She was dead. "What do you mean?! Where are you?!" Ferb shook his fist at nothing. Sighing, he laid down in his coffin (as disturbing as that sounds). He was done with his life for today, and so he closed the coffin and slept.

**A/N: And that's that for now. BTW, due to the lack of plot development in the last two stories of this series, I'm condensing it to one. This means that I'll be writing another story involving the Author though. So yeah. Bye for now!**


	4. The Awkwardness Continues

**A/N: Here we go again... This chapter's gonna bring up a bunch of suspense, just as a note. And... I got three reviews last chapter! Thanks, wolfstar.e99, Kat, and woodland5! Now, for this chapter. Plenty of questions to be asked, so ask them in your reviews!**

The first month of school came and went without much trouble. Buford (who was repeating his senior year) and Phineas did football again; neither had to worry about making it on to the team thanks to Buford's brute strength and Phineas' being a werewolf. The only awkward situation occurred when Brittany (or a girlified Baljeet, long story) made it on to the cheerleading squad and Isabella didn't. That left her and Ferb alone after school, and it also meant that Phineas never got to talk to Isabella about the situation. Ferb had been told by Phineas that he wanted to talk to his sort-of ex-girlfriend himself in order to avoid unnecessary complications, but that only made the situation worse. Especially when said girlfriend starts her conversation on a given October day by unexpectedly crying into said vampire's shoulder and asking something along the lines of, "Why doesn't he love me anymore, Ferb?"

Oh, dear. What then? Well, he couldn't bring up the whole suicide thing, he had already promised Phineas that he wouldn't. He couldn't just pat her on the shoulder and comfort her, then she might be interested in him, which would make the situation about twice as complicated. Isabella was his good-friend, not his girlfriend. That title was reserved for the late Vanessa. He settled for vagueness, "He just needs to sort things out. Life hasn't exactly been good to him lately."

"Says the vampire, who accidentally killed his girlfriend," Isabella commented bitterly. "Don't spare my feelings, Ferb. Just give it to me. Why did he break up with me?" She wiped the tears off her face, but mascara stains remained. Why did girls wear mascara anyway, especially girls whose boyfriends recently broke up with them? It seemed like poor planning.

"Isabella, it's not how you think it is. Phineas-" Ferb was suddenly cut off by something very, very unexpected.

Isabella had seen Phineas come in through the front door like she had planned. She had figured that the only way to get her Phineas back would be to make him feel jealous, which, had she known the whole story, was faulty reasoning. She collapsed onto Ferb, and every ounce of her existence was disgusted. She imagined Phineas there instead of Ferb, and, taking a deep breath, kissed him. He was cold, like a dead fish or something, but she managed to act in love with him long enough for Phineas to drop his backpack in surprise and rush to his room. She wrapped her arms around the vampire, and when she felt she was going to get hypothermia from him (how did Vanessa manage?), she pulled back.

Both coughed and spluttered in disgust. What just happened? "Isabella..." Ferb muttered, wide-eyed, "You just made a huge mistake..."

"Whatcha mean? I did that for Phineas!"

Ferb sighed, "You just made everything worse for everyone! Phineas is going to kill me, think that you've rejected him, and beat himself up until someone talks some sense into him!"

"What?! _I_ rejected _him_? Do you know what he said to me that one night? He said he would rather die than see my face again! He said he hated me!" Isabella yelled.

"Isabella, he-" But it was too late, she was gone already, the door slamming behind her. Ferb gulped.

"And now," he muttered, "my death sentence. I hope there's a new moon tonight." Slowly, cautiously, he walked upstairs, down the hall, and knocked on the door.

"Betrayed brother speaking..." Phineas growled under his breath, "If it's Ferb, you're about fifty lightyears too close."

That definitely wasn't Phineas near a new moon.

"Phineas, it's not what it looks like-!"

"Not what it looks like?! Because it looks like you're trying to steal my girl! Or, ya know, vice-versa, but that's beside the point!"

Feeling as if he was committing suicide, Ferb entered the room. His step-brother immediately pinned him against the wall.

"What in the heck were you thinking?!" Phineas snarled in a very un-Phineas-like manner.

"What was I thinking?! What was Isabella thinking?! You seriously need to talk to her, she's gone completely mad!" Ferb shouted, feeling glad that his parents wouldn't be home for another half-hour.

"Mad? At me?"

"Mad, like crazy, insane, bonkers, mental, of-her-rocker..." Ferb elaborated.

"Oh, the weird British version of mad," Phineas looked relieved, and he loosened his grip on Ferb.

"I think," Ferb said, "that she's trying to make you jealous. She thinks you hate her."

"Well," replied Phineas, who finally let go of his brother, "she certainly got my attention. I'd talk to her tonight, but... It's the night."

Ferb looked out their window, "It is?! You've only got about five minutes."

"What?! Holy crap!" And with that, they were off. They halfway managed to get Phineas chained by the time he transformed. That left Ferb with the difficult task of chaining a werewolf to ten-foot stakes with silver chains with sharp, dangerous spikes. In case you completely bypassed everything in these books, all three of those are poisonous to vampires.

After finally getting Phineas in his chains, he ran away as fast as he could; before he could go all insane vampire on his defenseless brothe. Why did his life need to be so frantic? One minute, he was kissing his best friend, the next he was getting beat up by his brother, the next he was tying a wolf up, the next he was running away from his animal instincts. That's way too much for a teenaged vampire to deal with, despite his typically rushed life. He ran to the middle of nowhere, where there were no humans or monsters around for miles, and rested, and thought.

Well, he attempted to. Ferb was immediately interrupted by the epitome of insanity, who started with a confusing monologue, of course. "Here lies the half-dead, the indecisive, the guilty guiltless, the bloodless bloodsucker, the green-haired who remains in the background, the ladies' man mourning for his only love, the paradox, the oxymoron, the cold flame, the black light, the speaking speechless. Here lies a vampire in mourning."

That pretty much summed it up.

The Author continued, "But the question remains, is she really dead? In denial, still, after weeks. Making excuses. You died, and look at you now. Perhaps not perfect, but not dead either. You know, there's a reason you haven't been killing any innocent bystanders since Vanessa. The guilt isn't coincidence."

Ferb raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not going to tell you the reason, but there is one. And no, just because I'm the Author, doesn't mean I can resurrect her."

"Why not? If this is all a story, and everything in here is fictitious, why is it so real?! And why, if you are the all-knowing author in control of this story, why can't you bring her back?!" Ferb yelled at the source of all his problems, something not many people get to do.

"That's my little secret. You'll find out at some point. Here," the Author greeted a bat that had suddenly flown down and rested on Ferb's shoulder, "Meet my friend. She has a taste for human blood."

Ferb remarked, "You brought a vampire?! Why can this one turn into a bat while I can't?"

"It can't control that, it's trapped that way. The closer a human is to death before turning into a vampire, the more likely it is to turn into that..."

"And since mine was just a bite, I look human. Is this, uh, Vanessa, by any chance?" Ferb observed the bat, who looked frantic, and quite a bit like it was trying to play charades.

"What?! No! That's stupid! That _'is she dead'_ crap is just for the melodrama!"

Ferb rolled his eyes, "Why are you here?"

The Author replied, "To keep you company. To keep me company. You get annoyed when I tease you... There are many, and all of them are entertaining." She cracked her knuckles in a manner that Ferb found quite threatening. Smiling, she threw her hair (which had grown a good two or three inches since they first met) over one shoulder nonchalantly.

"Wait... How old are you?"

"Turned fourteen last Monday, which makes a year since the first time you saw me. You turned nineteen last February."

"How in heck did you-? Oh, yeah..."

"So, any other irrelevant questions you feel like asking?" The Author asked Ferb, though she was looking at the bat, who appeared quite drunk, stumbling about and squeaking haphazardly.

"Yes. How long will we all be like this?" Ferb said in reference to him and his friends.

"That depends how fast you guys solve the problem. But all of you will face a challenge first. Yours and Phineas' have already been presented, Baljeet's is in his mind, and Isabella and Buford's are yet to be seen. You can take care of it though," the Author said in her melodramatic, oddly familiar, and foreboding voice.

"Us? Why us?! We're the ones who are struggling here!" One could easily tell how angry Ferb was by the large movements his arms made, and the death-glare he was giving the Author.

"You're forgetting that you and your brother can do freaking anything!" She seemed, despite her harsh voice, to be quite calm, a talent that Ferb had been struggling with lately.

Sighing, he muttered, "I guess... But how do we solve the problem? How do we return to normal?" And with that, the Author was gone.

A thought occurred to Ferb, "This is something that Phineas would've done at that age. Witty remarks, obnoxiously beating around the bush just for the suspense, annoying, yet so hard to full-out hate. That's really odd."

He heard a voice whisper, "Yes, yes it is..." Ferb could've sworn it was the bat. It continued, "Can you...?"

"Huh? Can I what?"

"Meet me..." The bat seemed to smile.

"Meet you? Where?" Ferb questioned. Then the bat was gone. "Apparently, everyone just loves leaving me hanging tonight... Or, uh, today... Ouch, ouch, ouch!" The sun burned his skin, which meant that he had been out here all night. He pit his hood up. _Now, for Phineas_. He had to meet up with Phineas now. After a few minutes, he said, "Oh, I'll just wait till he finds me here." Which didn't take long, for at that moment, he found himself in his room. "Of course... I blame the Author..."

"The who?" asked Phineas, who had just walked in. Sighing, Ferb replied, "Never mind..."

And that was that.

**A/N: And that's that. For the Ferbella hint? Oh, come on! Dude, I compared the kiss to a dead fish! It's Phinabella all the way in this story, and you won't be seeing any more Ferbella, got it? Good. Bye! Review!**


	5. Bats and Eloquence

**A/N: As a note, their struggles aren't their sudden monster transformations, it's the result of them. Ferb killed his girlfriend because he was a vampire, Phineas is no longer trusted by anyone because of a crazy night caused by his being a werewolf. Izzy's being a witch isn't a problem in and of itself, but she will face a trial later on because she is a witch. Anyway, on to the story:**

_Dear Diary,_

_What is wrong with me? I kissed Ferb! Seriously! I mean, ew! I also found out why Phineas broke up with me. I slapped him in the face for being an idiot, and then he kissed me, and I slapped him again._

_Can someone please explain to me why anyone would commit suicide? I mean, really! What is wrong with him?! I dunno, it just feels so weird to be mad at Phineas. I think I might make up with him tomorrow... Ferb's right, he's been though a lot; I probably shouldn't push the subject. And I certainly don't want him committing suicide... That would be scary and heartbreaking._

_Is he really that unstable?_

_I dunno, I should really make up with him. That way we can start making inventions on Saturdays again. I always loved doing that during the school year, but ever since this whole monster thing, it hasn't really been happening. It's odd to ask, "Whatcha doin'?" and get no response except, "Nothing."_

_That is not Phineas and Ferb._

_Huh, well, I guess I've ranted enough for tonight._

_~~~ Isabella_

Never, ever let a witch slap you. No, seriously. The next day, even with Phineas' fast healing abilities, he still had a black eye that got everyone at school pointing and staring. When lunch came, he deserted his table (football jocks) for Isabella's (girls with straight A's), causing even more attention.

Instead of sitting down, he dragged Isabella right out of the cafeteria to the back of the school, where they could talk in private. "Phineas?! What_ was_ that?!" Isabella yelled.

"You _had_ to give me a black eye, didn't you?!" Phineas rolled his eyes in a manner more characteristic of Ferb.

"Well, heck, you deserved it! I mean, what were you thinking?! You- you're an imbecile!"

Phineas gaped in a stupor for a moment or two, then said the wisest thing that popped into his head, a whiny, childish, "I am not!"

"What happened to you?! You are a stupid, stuck-up jerk, who-!"

"Please, don't finish that..." Phineas shut his eyes for a moment, "I'm not sure I want to know how that sentence ends..."

"Not helping your argument," Isabella remarked, glancing vaguely at a chipped nail.

"I know... I don't have much if an argument to begin with."

Silence, then: "Well, you dragged me out here, why?"

"I just wanted to say... I wanted to say..." Phineas had no idea why he couldn't just say "sorry" and move on. The word, which used to be pretty commonly used by him, along with other polite words (see "please" and "thank-you"), could not be more difficult to say if his mouth had been full of sand.

"What? What did you want to say?! You know, I'd much rather be in the cafeteria with my friends."

_Oh, just say it!_ Phineas told himself.

"Look, I'm sorry, I just..." Phineas looked at the ground, "I'm sorry."

Isabella sighed, and bit her lip. After a minute of thought, her angered expression softened, and she said, "I know... Uh, I'm sorry, too. About the, uh..." She gestured to her eye.

"That's okay. You're right; I've kinda been a jerk lately." Sighing, he said, "Funny how the moment we start dating, I turn into a complete idiot."

"Well, it's not really your fault, being a, you know... I could do without the random suicide attempts, though."

"So, we good?" Phineas looked at Isabella.

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and leaned in to kiss him. And there they remained until Buford started getting video footage, and by the time Izzy was done with him, Phineas was not the only one with a black eye.

Ferb heard about all of it the moment Isabella walked through the door. At least that disgusting kiss had led to _something_ good...

"So, what do you do all day? It must get pretty boring." Isabella remarked.

"Sit here, watch reruns of _Mission: Impossible_, do school work... It was better with Vanessa..."

"Whatcha mean? Did you two break up?" Isabella raised an eyebrow.

"You could say that..." Ferb sighed. Broke up; murdered. Same difference.

And with that, Phineas, the ultimate awkward situation fixer, walked in through the door.

"Hey Phineas! Whatcha doin'?" Isabella used her typical cliché.

"Not much. You two weren't uh... You were just talking, right?"

Yeah, never mind about that whole "awkward situation fixer" part...

Ferb immediately pulled his hood up so as to avoid any awkward expressions.

Isabella immediately said, "What?! Heck no! What are you thinking, saying that?!" _Here we go again..._

Phineas face palmed. _Idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot!_ "Sorry, just, uhh... Bit paranoid after the other day..."

Truthfully? Okay, he had a point.

"Anything interesting happen here? Not, uh... You know what I mean!" _Oh, just stop talking!_

Ferb put his hood down again.

Isabella replied, "I told Ferb what happened today, and I found out that Ferb and Vanessa broke up." Phineas raised an eyebrow, and was about to speak when Ferb _very_ stealthily waved his arms around in a "don't you dare" sort of way.

"Oh, how... Interesting..."

Ferb slapped his forehead. _Idiot! _"I'm going upstairs."

That was probably the most eloquent sentence all day, though that's not really saying much.

He quickly walked to his room, sure that there was going to be plenty of fluff downstairs which he certainly did not want to see. Then he saw it. The bat, waving its jagged wings, greeting him with its typical wags and flips and twirls. "Half... Way..."

"Huh?" Ferb raised an eyebrow. "Wait... Meet you halfway! Vanessa?"

"No... She's..." The bat struggled to speak. Ferb sighed, "She's dead. I know, I was-"

"In... Trouble..."

"In trouble? How so? Didn't I kill her?!" Ferb's eyes widened in an explosive concoction of excitement and frustration.

"Not... Her... You... Need... To... Stop... Author..."

"Stop the Author? Isn't there some sort of fallacy there? Like, you know, stopping the all-powerful creator without whom I no longer exist?" Ferb stroked his chin in a very spacey manner.

"Not... Author... Very... Powerful... Stop... Her..." And with that, the bat crumpled and fell to the floor.

"Holy crap!" Ferb quickly ran to the bat. "What do I do, Bat CPR?! Wait, it's a vampire... How'd it just die?!"

"Not... Dead... Just... Tired..." The bat startled Ferb to a gasp, which is no small feat.

"Where is she?! Where's Vanessa?!"

"Vanessa... Is... Not... Here..."

"Thanks, I didn't know that," Ferb commented sardonically.

"Stop... Her...!" And then it was gone.

"Did I just hallucinate that?!" Ferb wondered aloud. "I didn't hallucinate that, did I? Oh, I'm tired of this!" And with that, he went back to his school work.


	6. The Statue-Human Hybrid

**A/N: So here I am, back with another chapter. Vanessa may seem like a bit of a Mary-Sue in this particular part, but it's from Ferb's perspective, so it makes sense. Not much else to say, so read!**

_"Ferb... Ferb..." Softly, soothingly spoken in the voice of an angel. The beauty did not seem to notice him, despite the fact that she was a mere four inches away, and that Ferb was running his fingers through her brilliant long brown hair, which was soft to the touch and smelled of raspberries. Her skin was white as ivory, without a single blemish save for two small pinpoint scabs on her neck. Even her lips were white! Yet, as he looked into her dazzling molten chocolate eyes, he could not help big notice her exceeding beauty._

_His throat dry, he asked, "Yes?"_

_"Ferb, where are you?" Her eyebrows lifted and her jaw tightened as she widened her unfocused eyes. She still appeared hauntingly gorgeous in her fear._

_Feeling sympathetic and guilty of her anguish, he calmly stated, "Vanessa, I'm here. I'll always be here." Always; unconditionally. He would never leave her side till the day he died. Who would ever want to leave her? She was kind, charming, and beautiful, if a touch on the rebellious side._

_Vanessa finally seemed to notice him, and she gracefully moved toward him into a hug. It was sheer bliss to have her in his arms, to hold her, to comfort her. Then suddenly, she drew back, remembering something terrible and disgusting._

_She expressed a horrific combination of surprise and anger, like she was startled that he would dare show his face again. The brilliant angel spoke again, "Ferb, you betrayed me."_

_His heart shattered and his eyes started feeling itchy. "I would never betray you. I love you. I love you so much I could die."_

_"Ferb, you hurt me."_

_"No, I didn't. I would never do anything to hurt you. I love you." Why must she torture him with her words? This was cruel._

_"Ferb, how could you? Ferb, how could you kill me?!" Vanessa's face turned to one of sadness. She felt completely and utterly betrayed by him, and there was nothing Ferb could do about it._

_Ferb slipped into denial. He couldn't have; he'd never, ever kill her! "I didn't kill you... How could you say that?" Tears dripped down his cheeks. This was torture; sheer, bitter torture._

_"Ferb, I'm dead." Those were the only three words that came._

_"But you're right here; you didn't die." Still in denial, Ferb's voice cracked at the end of the sentence._

_"I did, Ferb, I did die. Ferb, you turned me into a vampire." Vanessa's skin grew ever paler as she said this, as if to prove her point. Ferb found himself in pain, ready to hurt someone, preferably himself._

_"No! No, you didn't! You are _not_ a vampire!" _She couldn't be a vampire!_ The guilt and affliction was killing him._

_Vanessa's breathing grew fast and unsteady as she, in what seemed to be severe agony, asked, "Why, Ferb? Ferb, it hurts, it hurts! Ferb, how could you?!"_

_Finally forced to accept the truth, Ferb said, "I didn't mean to, Vanessa, I love you. I have always loved you. Please don't ask why; I never wanted this. You're killing me by asking that!"_

_"Ferb..." Vanessa suddenly got a very blank expression._

_"What?"_

_"Ferb..." Her voice seemed to drop an octave, and suddenly sounded like another familiar voice._

_"What is it?!"_

_"Ferb, wake up! I know what we're gonna do today! Come on!"_

_"Vanessa?" _No, not Vanessa_, he thought.__  
_

_"What? It's me, Phineas!"_

And with that, Ferb was startled enough to wake up. Wait, he had been asleep? At night? And_ dreaming_? How did that work?

Through the curtains, sunlight peeked through, lighting up the room. Front and center, still attempting to wake Ferb up, was Phineas, his unruly red hair flying about and his black eye twitching. Man, that was some shiner Isabella gave him... His face shown with an optimistic glow that Ferb had not seen in many months. His eyes were sparkling with the excitement of a new invention, his mouth shaped into a U-shaped smile, revealing thirty-two freshly brushed white teeth. This Phineas was Carpe Diem all the way. This was normal Phineas.

"Phin?"

Suddenly, Phineas stopped shaking Ferb, but he was still practically bouncing up and down in anticipation. "Yeah?"

"You know what we're going to do today, don't you?" Ferb's lip twitched upward as he sat up.

Phineas nodded, "Most definitely."

"Should I ask where Perry is?" Ferb grinned. _An invention!_ This was great! This almost made him forget his dream. Almost.

"If you really want to, but it'd be a little odd, seeing as he's right next to you," Phineas responded as Perry gave an eager chatter.

Secretly, the platypus was just as excited as the boys; they had been starting to scare him. But he wasn't about to let that interrupt the whole 'He's a platypus; they don't do much' act for this, as joyous an occasion as this was.

"Alright, what are we building?" asked Ferb, interrupting the platypus' thoughts.

"Well, I was thinking that we could find a way to cure ourselves. Like, study up on our mythology, and try to find a cure that doesn't involve death and stuff. It's not exactly rocket science, but..." Phineas trailed off.

"Are you joking? That's great!" Then, noticing that their monotreme had disappeared, asked, "Where's Perry?"

"No idea. So, perhaps we could start googling stuff, and try stuff in a sort of MythBusters kind of way?" Phineas pulled out his laptop and opened a search engine.

"Sounds good to me. Uh, what do we look up? Vampire, or Werewolf, or  
Twilight...?"

Phineas started to speak, but at that moment, there was a knock on the door. Instead of his original statement, he yelled, "Coming!" and ran downstairs to find Isabella, who was clutching her hand, wide-eyed in fear. "Isabella? What is it?!"

She mumbled something unintelligible, barely moving. Her breath was unsteady, and she looked very low on sleep and very high on coffee, which was never a good combination. Her hands shook, and her eyes were bloodshot with dark bruised-looking bags under them.

"What?! I can't understand you!" A look of sincere concern washed over Phineas.

By then, Ferb had come down to see what was up. Oh no, he thought. It came. There's something wrong.

"My hand," was all Isabella could choke out. She gingerly held her arm out, and Phineas and Ferb noticed a skintight silvery-gray glove covering her hand. Carefully, Phineas touched it as Isabella bit her lip, containing a sob.

"Huh, that's interesting. It's a stone glove." Then Phineas made the mistake of trying to pull it off. A tear slid down Isabella's cheek as Phineas noticed that it wouldn't budge. Eyes widening and palms sweating in panic, he opened his mouth to speak."Wait, is...?" He gulped. Oh, dear... How do you ask such an unorthodox question? "Your hand isn't made of stone, is it?!"

And then the sobbing commenced. "I- I don't know! What's wrong with me?"

"Iz, you'll be fine! I mean, at least it's not your head or your lungs, right?" Phineas attempted to comfort.

That earned a melodramatic face-palm from Ferb.

"Phineas, last night it was just my fingertips- and- and now... It's spreading! Am I gonna turn to stone?!"

"What? Well, of course not!" Then, noticing that he'd scratched his ear (Aww, seriously? Every time!), he added, "I mean, well... I don't know... What do you  
think, Ferb?"

"Well, she's a witch, so... Did she happen to go swimming yesterday?"

"Not funny," Isabella remarked, her voice hoarse.

Then Ferb added, "Hmm, there's got to be some way to fix it..."

Phineas turned to Ferb for a moment, then to Isabella. A light shone in his eyes, and he smiled as he said, "That's it! Ferb, I know what we're gonna do  
today!"

"Isn't that pretty much what you wanted to do in the first place?" Ferb questioned.

"You have a point... Hey, where's Perry?"

"Haven't we already asked that?"

"Well, yeah. But it's kind of turned into a tradition of sorts. Ya know, come up an with idea, wonder where the platypus is, it seems to make sense."

"Right."


	7. Phineas' Rantings

**A/N: And I'm back! Hi. So... Yeah... And, by the way, no, no Ferb's dream does _not _mean Vanessa's alive. I just like teasing Ferb and the audience...**

Phineas and Ferb are perhaps the most brilliant inventors and the best problem solvers in the world; so when Phineas walked back to his shared room to get ready for bed, he must have immediately started excitedly ranting to Ferb about their extremely successful day, right? _Wrong._ Phineas Flynn entered the room in enraged mood, ready to punch the nearest person who got in his way, and it didn't exactly help that Ferb was _reading a book_. A stupid old fiction novel! _Seriously?!_

"That was a complete and utter failure! How could the day have possibly turned out that bad?!" Phineas had a good reason to be agitated. Isabella's whole left arm was now solid rock, and her toes were starting to feel a bit odd too by the time she went home. "We can always get our inventions done in one day, if not less, so why couldn't we help at all?!"

"Perhaps we're out of practice," Ferb didn't look up from his copy of_ The Grapes of Wrath_. Truthfully, he really didn't want to discuss it. This could quite possibly be the worst day of his life, from his nightmare, to Phineas' complete idea failure, to the extremely slow beginning of this book, to the fact that Candace was completely freaking out about her wedding in two weeks. He just wanted to shut himself up in a coffin (quite literally), and sleep. In fact, yawning at the thought, he did feel a bit tired. _A vampire feeling tired? Perhaps a bit odd, but nothing's made any sense lately..._

"Out of practice?! Ferb, that's impossible! When we made that roller coaster, when had we ever made something awesome before? I mean, we'd done a few stunts and pranks, but nothing like the stuff we did after that roller coaster. And we didn't need practice for that, so why do we need practice for this?!" The angst of the new werewolf Phineas started to shine through, which was never a good sign. It was like there was a villainous Anti-Phineas in there, trying to corrupt every last shred of optimism and innocence in his soul.

"Well, why don't we try again tomorrow?" Ferb commented in a rather frustrated tone, "I'm annoyed too, you know."

"As you should be," interrupted the all too familiar voice of the Author. And again, the melodrama of the worst villain to lurk the Phineas and Ferb fandom was gracing our beloved characters. And, if the audience was paying attention and _reviewing_ like they should be, they would note that this is the first time the Author has made an appearance in front of multiple characters.

Noticing her sudden appearance, both shouted, "You again?!" Then, both looked at each other and questioned, "Wait, you know her?"

Ferb continued, "Well, of course I know her! She's the one who turned me into a vampire."

"She what?!"

The Author laughed, "That was pretty cute. Did you two, like, rehearse that or something?"

Ferb attempted to pull his hood up, then realized that he was wearing pajamas and face palmed instead. "Not a word from either of you..."

"You sure? I have some pretty good comebacks for that," the Author barely contained her laughter.

"Why are you here?" Ferb asked sardonically.

"Why do you always ask that? I just wanted to let you know that yes, Isabella's arm is exactly what I was talking about the other day. And that you're not gonna be able to help her." The Author's smirk turned into a confused frown as she added, "Huh, I really need to get my eyes checked. They've been doing odd things for a few days now..." As the boys contemplated what next to utter, she wandered around the room, picking up random objects, most of which had been there since the boys were ten.

"Wait, how often do you two talk?" Phineas asked Ferb.

"It isn't exactly a rare occasion..." Ferb replied, looking quite uncomfortable with the Author's presence.

The Author noticed a dorky looking pair of glasses that belonged to Phineas, and out of curiosity, tried them on. A look of astonishment showed as she said, "Wow, these are perfect!" and kept them on.

"That makes no sense whatsoever," Phineas raised an eyebrow, "How do my glasses work on you?"

"No idea. Anyway, you guys have any threats or anything?"

"Uh, like, fix Isabella or else?" Ferb looked unamused.

"Naw, I like watching you suffer too much," the Author's smirk returned.

"In that case, no."

"Alright, then I guess my work here is done. Bye!"

"Wait!" Phineas called as the Author disappeared.

"What," Ferb questioned, "You wanted her to stay?"

"No," Phineas replied, "Mom's gonna kill me if she finds out my glasses are gone!"

"She stole your glasses?" Ferb gave an amused grin, "Haven't seen that one before..."

"Gosh, I'm just surprised they worked in the first place. It's not like we're related..." As Phineas contemplated the likelihood of their being related, then shuddered at the fact that he was thinking such thoughts. "Anyway, you know her?!"

"Well, yes. Yes, I do know the Author. How well do you know her?"

"I've only seen her once; she disguised as me and broke up with Isabella. What do mean by 'the Author'?"

"That's her pen name, I think."

"Well, it's a really lame pen name. Who decides to call herself the Author? And if so, why The Author rather than An Author? The Author kind of monopolizes the phrase, while you could have half a quadrillion 'An Author's and it wouldn't cause any minuscule contrast in the ownership or use of the phrase. Or perhaps she did that on purpose; I mean, I suppose that she is the main antagonist. Why does she want to be our nemesis anyway? What did we do to motivate that kind of cruel, avenging person anyway? Wait, if she's the antagonist, who's the protagonist? And who says this is just a story? It feels pretty darn real to me, though I might not be quite in my right mind, seeing as I'm part Canis Lupis. But that all feels really real too. I suppose that she might be lying, but how would she appear and disappear on command? Perhaps she's a witch, like Isabella. Naw, that's too odd..." Inhaling deeply, Phineas continued, "Wow, I've gotta lay off the coffee..."

"You realize that a year ago, that would've been normal, right?"

"Yes, but a year ago, you would've said exactly one sentence a day, making it physically impossible to carry a conversation unless I was the only one talking the whole time, which I was."

"Well, yes. And to answer your protagonist question, I volunteer as tribute."

"Volunteer for what?"

"Hunger Games reference... I thought teenagers liked that stuff... Anyway, I believe the Author's targeting me."

"I got that; I was just wondering what for. In that case, may the odds be ever in your favor!"

"Don't go overboard..."

Phineas chuckled, "Did ya notice any irony there?"

"Huh?"

"You kiss a girl, and you bite her and suck her blood... If that's not going overboard, I don't know what is!"

Ferb snarled, "Don't ever say that again..."

"Hey, not saying I would've done anything different, but... I mean... Argh..." And he had yet gain managed to let something offensive slip his tongue without thinking about the side effects. _What did Isabella think of all those years I was too stupid to notice her?_

Biting his lip, Ferb decided it was long time to go to bed again. This day had gone on long enough.


	8. A Theory

**A/N: Shortest chapter in forever. I dunno, it covers enough plot, so I'll live. Read and enjoy (AND REVIEW):**

"You know, there is a solution. You could scratch her," Ferb remarked a morning about a week later whilst Phineas was finishing his breakfast. The theory seemed reasonable. Better Isabella as a werewolf than Isabella as a statue.

Well, he was finishing his breakfast until then. "Oh, you did not just say that," he replied in a strangely calm tone. Anger was definitely present, but it was contained well enough. For now.

"You probably wouldn't even need to be in wolf form, since she already carries the gene. Just go and scratch her face, and she'll be werewolf rather than a witch."

"And how," Phineas pondered, "do you know that will even work? It's not like her hand turning into stone is related to her being a witch!"

Ferb somewhat sympathized, in this case. He definitely preferred Vanessa dead than Vanessa as a vampire, as horrific as it sounded. But, being a werewolf didn't seem nearly as bad as being vampire. So he continued his argument:

"It seems legit. Every struggle we've had so far has had something to do with our being monsters. Perhaps Isabella's would be solved if you turned her into a  
werewolf." Ferb pulled his hood up as Candace walked into the room with her make-up bag.

"Heya Candace," Phineas greeted as cheerfully as he could manage. The last thing Candace needed was more stress. "Whatcha doin'?"

She immediately tossed the make-up bag to Ferb, saying "No hoodies allowed at the wedding. Please try to look human!"

"Seriously?!" Ferb growled. "Make-up?!" _She assumes I know how to put on make-up..._ He was not about to agree to this; he would wear his hood or ditch.

"Seriously," she replied. "I've been planning this for years, and I'm not about to let something as insignificant as my step-brother turning into a vampire ruin it!"

"Candace, you might just be using the word 'insignificant' a bit heavily..." Phineas pointed out.

"Well, can't you guys just invent something that makes you human again? It's not like you've never cured a vampire before!" Candace reminded.

"That," Ferb replied, "is what we've been trying to do! We have a girl turning into a statue in our room that we've been trying to cure for a week now, so shut up!"

"What, Isabella? What happened to her?"

"We don't know!" Phineas yelled. "And within three days, she's gonna be gone! Who cares about your stupid wedding?!" He chucked his half-empty bowl of cereal across the kitchen, and it shattered into hundreds of porcelain shards engulfed in a milky, mushy mess.

Silence fell for awhile as both Candace and Ferb examined Phineas' expression like they would a time bomb. Then Phineas decided to leave for school, forgetting to get out of his pajamas or get his backpack.

Ferb of all people broke the silence, "I guess I'll clean that up."

As Ferb got out the broom, Candace worriedly responded, "Um, Phineas was exaggerating, right?"

"No. No, he wasn't. I'm surprised you haven't noticed her yet; she's kind of obvious." He swept the remains into a dustpan and threw them into the garbage.

"So, how's he doing?" Candace wrinkled her nose in a quite concerned fashion, and finally sat down in realization that this conversation would most likely be rather lengthy, and put off her wedding planning, which was quite obnoxious but extremely necessary. Like Phineas said, who cared about her stupid wedding?

"Not good; he's under a _lot_ of pressure," Ferb uttered with emotion, quite the rare sight. "We can't think of anything to stop it, or even slow it down!" He began to wave his arms about as he continued, "It's like there's no way around this... Or, at least, no good way around this."

Candace raised an eyebrow. He definitely knew something that he was refusing to tell her. "No good way, huh... Any bad way around it?"

Ferb glanced behind himself as if someone might be watching (presumably the Author), then sat across from Candace. "I have a hypothesis. Based on the fact  
that Phineas, Baljeet, Isabella, and I all turned into what we dressed up as for Halloween, I would presume that this probably isn't a coincidence. You'll notice that so far, Phineas and I have both had relapses based upon what we've turned into. He attempted suicide, and I, uh, killed my girlfriend..." Ferb cleared his  
throat before continuing, "I think Isabella's issue is a symptom of her being a witch. That would mean, based on the genetics research Phineas and I have been  
doing, that if we turned her into a werewolf, since she already carries the gene, she would no longer be a witch, thus curing her."

"Well, that's great! Why don't we just get Phineas to-?"

"That's the problem! He won't do it. We discovered this yesterday, and he just shrugged it off, but when I brought it up today, it kind of contributed to that  
new broken bowl," Ferb remarked angrily. "If this is what happens when a super-nice teenager who _never_ gets angry goes werewolf, I don't want to know what would've happened to the rest of us." Realizing the truth of his statement, he wondered, _What would Isabella be like? Perhaps Phin's right._

Candace suppressed a smile. "Well, he's a jerk, so we'd prolly be murderers."

"I already am a murderer," Ferb saw no humor in that comment. "I'm gonna check on Isabella. Her parents called this morning." And with that, he was gone.


	9. The Resolution That Fixes Nothing

**_Et voila!_ Sorry viewer (note how I didn't pluralize it; I've only got evidence of one person consistently reading this), it's a day late, but I Mothers' Day kinda took up my whole day yesterday. But, it's here now, so enjoy!**

Growling and muttering curses under his breath, Phineas found himself walking the streets in his PJs, with no intention of going to school. House after house, street after street... How repetitive was this place? Some people were walking their dogs out on the streets, and gave him odd looks, but for the most part, he was alone. That's what he needed: alone time. Was that really too much to ask? He already shared a room with his brother, and now he had his girlfriend (who had turned to stone on her entire right leg, left arm, and most of her left leg, along with the fingertips of her right arm) standing in the corner, too. And what boy wanted his girlfriend to see their room? His room looked like freaking _ground zero_ compared to Izzy's, and she was sure to point it out the moment she moved in- or, got taken in for medical purposes. The phrase 'moved in' sound too odd. Of course, what bugged him the most was Ferb's suggestion. He would never, ever turn Iz into a werewolf! Ferb had told him before that he was almost glad that Vanessa was dead, so long as it meant she wasn't a vampire; that would kill him. Wouldn't that make Ferb understand the situation _more_ than anyone else?!

"You would certainly think so," the Author interrupted Phineas' thoughts. "But he's right. That's the only way to cure her."

"What?!" Phineas was shocked. Was Fate really this cruel? He had done nothing but try to help people, and this is how life repaid him? _Really?_

The Author took his right hand for a moment, and Phineas felt an odd numbness in his fingertips. Suddenly, his fingernails thickened, and grew into sharp claws. As the Author released the hand, Phineas found that his palms and fingers looked quite normal, but his nails looked like those of a wolf. "What_ is_ this?!" He asked.

The Author smirked, "Wolf claws. All the better to scratch her with. But be careful- it'll only work once."

Phineas gave an enraged grunt and yelled, "And what if I don't want it to work at all?! Did anyone ever ask what _I_ thought about all of this?!"

"It's the only way. It can't be that bad! I mean, wouldn't it be nice to have someone to keep you company once you turned?" The Author smiled in an unusually genuine manner.

"She already does that!" Phineas shouted.

"She does?" The Author asked.

"Uh, yeah! That's how she found out that I was a werewolf!" Phineas replied, raising an eyebrow. "Aren't you the Author? You should know this stuff already!"

The Author paused for a moment, then, with a slightly annoyed, contorted expression, said, "I am! ... I was just, uh... Testing..." Then, after another minute's thought, added, "Phineas, close your eyes for a second."

"Uh, why?" Phineas questioned. She obviously had something devious planned, and he didn't like it.

"I need to do something. Just shut them."

"What are you going to do?"Phineas pondered suspiciously.

"Look, you can shut your eyes, or I can turn you into a wolf _permanently_!" She flared, shaking her fist at him.

"Okay, okay!" He obeyed the Author's command and shut his eyes.

Suddenly, something tickled his nose. Thinking it was a fly, he swatted the air, and immediately heard an agonizing scream from Isabella, who he had until now presumed was at least half a mile away. Opening his eyes, he saw that his girlfriend resembled normalcy, other than the, uh... The huge scratch marks on her face... "Isabella!" Phineas cried. His girlfriend was sobbing from the pain.

Isabella had suddenly found herself returned to normal, on a random sidewalk, and in pain. _Oh, the pain!_ She looked up and saw Phineas, who had his eyes shut, and seemed to be swatting at flies. The venom from the scratch that he'd probably given her was rushing through her blood, revising her DNA. And gosh, did it_ hurt_! She let out a scream as a flash searing pain coursed through her veins. She had heard Phineas call, "Isabella!", but hardly felt it when he wrapped his arms around her into an incomprehensible one-sided hug. Tears were streaming down her face and she was mumbling random nonsense about her pain. "Isabella, I'm so sorry," Phineas practically whispered his voice was so quiet. Or, at least, it sounded like a whisper to Isabella. "I don't know what just happened."

"Wh- what's happening? Am I a werewolf?" Isabella asked in midst of tears.

"I'm afraid so," Phineas replied. Then he gasped in a horrible realization. "Tonight's the night!"

"What?" Isabella was starting to feel lightheaded.

"Tonight's the full moon!" Phineas elaborated. "How could I forget?! Oh, gosh... I'm so sorry, I, uh... Isabella?"

Phineas had just noticed that, all at once, she was half statue again. The Author gave a sober expression and said, "The choice is yours. This is your final chance-" Isabella's other leg suddenly turned to stone, "otherwise, she'll be a statue forever. This is a test for you, not her."

Isabella bit her lip. "Go ahead. It's better than dying, Phineas."

A tear slid down Phineas' face. "I... I can't... I can't do that to you..."

Isabella's right arm was solid rock.

"Phineas, please!" Isabella pleaded.

Her hips were hardening.

"But..." Phineas trailed off. "Isabella, I'm sorry." He put his clawed hand to her face. Avoiding the necessary situation, he started running his fingers through her hair. He attempted to place her long, raven-colored hair over one shoulder, but only then did he realize that her hair was partially hardened. Six inches of hair fell to the ground as icicles would off a window sill, giving her a jagged shoulder-length hairdo that would've been humorous under any other circumstances.

"Phineas!" Isabella rolled her eyes.

Blushing, he replied, "Sorry; sorry!" He once again put his hand to her face, but this time, both flinched as he dug his nails into her cheek.

"Ouch!" Isabella said as he released her. And that was that. "Wow, that, uh... That doesn't actually hurt that much."

"No, no it doesn't," Phineas replied with a smirk.

"So, what time is it?"

"You've got about six hours."

Isabella gave a lopsided smile and halfheartedly said, "Woohoo!" as her stone limbs returned to a state of normality. "So, now I have an excuse to act like a total jerk?"

"Well... Yeah," Phineas blushed, and, with nothing else to say, added, "Uh, I like your hair."

Isabella felt her hair. Her eyes widened as far as they could as she realized how short it was. Slowly shaking her head, she said,"Oh, you are so busted!"

"No, really, I like it. It's perfect," at this point, his face was the same color as his hair. But, since he didn't scratch behind his ear, he was definitely telling the truth.

"Uh, Phineas?" she interrupted.

"Yeah?"

"Do you happen to have a bandage? My face is kinda..."

"Oh! Umm..." Only then did Phineas notice the bloody appearance of Isabella's face. He felt his pockets, and for the second time, "All I've got is a Hello Kitty one..."

"And?" Isabella saw no issue with this.

Rolling his eyes, Phineas replied "Here," as he gave her the Band-Aid. "Why don't we go back to my place, and clean you up?"

"Sure thing. Maybe we can get Candace or Ferb to fix my hair," Isabella smiled.

"You say that as if I'm the only one who can't do hair," Phineas teased.

Isabella bluntly stated, "Well, you are. Let's go!"

And thus went the morning.


	10. Predator, Prey, and Marrow

A wanderer. Prey. It walked casually, unsuspecting. The prey was whistling a melody, and seemed content. The prey was dressed in a semiformal black and white suit, and gripped a beaten up leather brief case. The prey was walking home from work. The prey had neatly combed blond hair, which was slicked back with hair gel. The prey was not ugly; though its eyes were mud-brown, and it had a large nose. The prey had a single mole on the back of its neck, which happened to be the most endangered part of its body at the moment. The prey's scent had been picked up by the most deadly predator there was, and there was no way the prey would make it out alive.

The prey took a step toward the tunnel, continuing its steady walking pace. The tunnel was a routine part of its day; The prey would always take this particular path home from work. This road, despite being longer than the alternative route, had a better view for the most part, and provided more exercise for the prey.

Taking another step, the prey inhaled, sniffing the cool autumn breeze. The leaves had fallen from the trees approximately a fortnight ago, and were beginning to give off that marvelous decomposing leaf-scent. The first frost had been today, which meant that winter was close. The prey always enjoyed Fall; autumn was a magnificent season. It was always cool enough, but never so cold one would feel uncomfortable without a coat. Fall always meant apple cider, and doughnuts, and football season.

The prey took another step, and could have sworn it had heard a fell voice in the air. The prey adjusted its eyes downward about forty-five degrees where it had heard the noise, but observed only darkness. The prey, raising a single dark, bushy eyebrow, obviously found this mildly odd, but gave it no thought. It must have been the wind, rustling the leaves.

The prey took yet another, and looked to its left, noticing the brilliant sunset. The sun had already drifted below the horizon, yet there were still vivid streaks of hot pink and vermillion painted on the now-dark purple canvas of sky. It noticed the glittery sequins; stars in the dark velvet sky. But, most beautiful and unexpected, it noticed the full, pumpkin-orange harvest moon, lighting up his trail home. It, rather ironically, heard some wolves howling at the moon.

Taking its final step, the prey looked down and saw the beast. The beast's eyes were bright scarlet, and its hair was matted, in messy clumps. It was on all fours, despite resembling a human. It growled, baring its fangs.

The prey's eyes widened in fear, too frightened to move or yell for help. The prey was entirely alone with the predator. The predator walked as a cat or tiger would; one paw after another; slowly, stealthily, without sound.

The predator lunged at the prey.

The predator's teeth sunk into the prey's neck. The prey gasped and cursed, out of breath. A cold rush entered the prey's body as venom circulated through its veins.

Then the predator tasted the prey's blood. It was sweet and metallic against its tongue, and, as it swallowed, it quenched the dryness of its throat. The predator, in sheer desire for more, took another mouthful, causing the prey even more torment. They prey attempted to recoil, but the predator was far too strong. The predator started drinking the prey's blood faster than before, and the prey grew lightheaded, and eventually lost consciousness. The predator couldn't stop drinking the liquid, until the prey had absolutely no blood left.

"Ahh," the predator sighed in relief, entirely covered in blood, "Much better. I haven't done that in _so_ long..."

But the predator was not done yet.

Another walked by.

This one, the new prey, had never walked this path before, and appeared to be in quite a hurry. The prey was scared of the dark, and had lost its mother. This prey couldn't have been more than seven years old.

The prey, a young boy, had midnight-dark unkempt hair, which stuck out in haphazard locations, and fearful electric-blue eyes, looking around, sure that disaster was about to strike.

And so it was.

The predator, abandoning the bloodless corpse, walked right up to the young boy.

The prey immediately saw the vampire in all its glory, splattered with blood, clothing torn, eyes wide with a maddened smirk. The prey let out a high-pitched yelp, and stuttered, "Ar-Are you g-gonna kill me?"

The vampire chuckled for a while, and then the chuckle grew into a full-out laugh, which soon morphed into a maddened cackle. The prey did not like the cackle; it was quite frightening. After a few minutes, the laughing subsided, and the predator replied, "No. I am going to walk right up to you, and get a good whiff of your blood, like this." The predator walked to the boy and bent down. The prey smelled brilliant, and the vampire was tempted not to kill him right then. "Then, I'll slowly sink my teeth into your neck, and take them out again. Despite the common belief, you, my friend, will not die. The venom will make its way to your heart, killing blood cells on its way. The venom will be sent to your bones, and the marrow will start producing more venom, slowly turning you into one of me."

A slow smile appeared on the prey's face, "Really?"

The vampire sunk its teeth into the boy's neck and slowly, lovingly sucked every last drop of blood from his veins.

"No, not really," the predator smiled.

**A/N: And Ferb's at it again, though this time, his tone was a bit crueler... Huh, must be my writing. Anyway, review and stuff!**


	11. The Vampire's Beating Heart

"Okay, deep breaths," Phineas whispered, "You'll be fine, I promise."

Isabella questioned, "You sure? I mean, what if something happens?!"

"Well, I'm right here, and Ferb should be within a mile in case things get really bad. Why are you so worried?" Phineas sounded genuinely concerned, and for a good reason. Isabella would not stop hyperventilating and ranting on about how horrible being a werewolf would be. In short, she was thoroughly scared.

"I don't know; just have a bad feeling about this..." Isabella sighed.

"Izzy, I think you're being a bit paranoid. Think, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Phineas," Isabella yelled, "Don't jinx it!"

"Well, someone's being superstitious tonight..." Phineas laughed awkwardly. He was still confused about Isabella's sudden onslaught of paranoia.

Isabella continued to prattle meaninglessly, "I mean, what happens if we try to kill each other or something when we turn? What if-?!"

"Wait, what?!" Phineas interrupted, giving a full-on snicker (which, if we're talking about normal Phineas, is quite rare), "Isabella, we turned, like, ten minutes ago!"

Only then did Isabella look up to see a dark red wolf staring at her, rolling his eyes and showing off his sharp teeth in a wide attempted smile. By wolf standards, he was actually kind of hot.

"Wow, this is... Different..." Isabella raised what would have been her eyebrow. She, herself, didn't look all that bad. Her fur was a little bluer than her human hair, and looked rather unnatural (though not quite as queer as Phineas' cinnabar fur), although she looked pretty typical, other than that.

"Yes," Phineas replied, "Yes, it is."

"So," Isabella continued, "What are we going to do all night?"

Phineas gave a lopsided wolf-smile. "Just think of it as a really long date... In a forest... And we're both wolves..."

"Gee," Isabella laughed, "That was helpful."

"Well, it's not like we've ever done this before!" Phineas said. Then, after some thought, he added, "Wait, we _have_ done this before..."

"Yeah, but last time, I was human," Isabella pointed out, feeling confident in her response.

Phineas countered with a logical conclusion that had not truthfully occurred to Isabella, "Wouldn't that make this easier? I mean, there aren't any language barriers this time."

In defeat, Isabella muttered,"Touché..."

* * *

Meanwhile, Ferb was walking through the forest, alone. "And... I'm doing... Nothing..." He sighed. He had, once again, agreed to be the idiotic _security guard _for the werewolf, although this time, Isabella was with PHineas to offer moral support.

"Why is it always me? Every time, I get stuck with the boring job! And what do I get as payment? Nothing! Why?!"

Ferb swore he could hear the word _murderer_ in reply.

Suddenly, there was a pulsing in the back of his head. It was a sort of throb, and a painful bump appeared as the pain spread. Then, after what he presumed to be hours, he was lying on the floor, paralyzed, but conscious. He couldn't even move his mouth to curse the world yet again. The sun was quickly rising, and he was still in the woods, burning to death in the light. Only then did he realize that he was suffocating._ Suffocating? But I'm a vampire!_ Desperate for breath, he gasped for a taste of cold air. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his chest puff out, then, as he let out the air in a deep sigh, his chest sank and he heard a deafening _tha-thump!_ Gaining some strength, he managed to ask, "Is that my heart?"

Tha-thump.

Blood.

Tha-thump.

Blood...

Tha-thump...

Blood!

Suddenly, there was an acute pain in his heart, and a spasm wrenched him upright into a sitting position.

Breathe in... Tha-thump... Breathe out... Tha-thump...

/Blood!/

He was drenched in cold sweat, and he was in pain both when he was breathing and when he was sitting still.

As another spasm came, he lurched onto his feet, immediately doubling over and vomiting where he stood.

He started coughing violently. When that subsided, he hurled again and asked, "What in heck is wrong with me?"

Then, his eyes rolled up into his skull as he fell onto the ground, and got a mouthful of dirt as he lay prone in the middle of the woods, unconscious.

It was then that Phineas and Isabella saw Ferb's ghastly figure. His eyes were open, but only the whites could be seen. His torso was rising and falling at an uneven rate, though it shouldn't have been moving at all. He looked rabid; his mouth foamed.

All Isabella could manage was, "Ewww..."

Phineas gave Isabella a frightened stare and instructed, "We need to get him back to my house." Then, seeing that Isabella was too shocked to respond, snapped, "Now!"

As they returned the sickly vampire to the Flynn-Fletcher residence, they heard a mad cackling in the background, followed by Ferb stirring and mumbling, "That's her... Kill her..."

In his bedroom, Ferb lay motionless, with an unsteady pulse, torn between consuming and producing blood, which could only mean one thing.

He was turning human again.


	12. Insanity Strikes Back

**A/N: Oh, my gosh, I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry about the wait! Look at it this way, since I last updated, I've had my brother's baptism, updates to some other stories, homework, ten labs to complete for science, two English projects, three state exams, an algebra final, and a trip to my grandparents. Can you please excuse my absence? Anyway, school ends in three days, so I'll probably be able to update more frequently now. Anyway, I seem to have left you off on a cliffhanger, so:**

"Oh, my gosh! What happened?" Linda was, finally, quite ready to 'bust' the boys when Phineas walked in with Isabella and some sort of Ferb-like creature. Truthfully, she hadn't exactly seen his face in a long while, but she was certain that it didn't look like this... This monster...

"Mom, he, uhh..." Phineas twitched involuntarily, though unable to scratch his ear due to the fact that he was carrying Ferb. /What to say? What to say?/ As Isabella raised her eyebrows at him, he finally decided to complete his sentence, "He's a vampire, Mom."

Linda almost laughed at this, despite the obvious dangers. "No, seriously; what happened?"

"Mom,"Phineas replied, "As much as I'd love to have a nice, long conversation about this, Isabella and I need to get Ferb to his room." Then he added, "In fact, you might not even want the story."

Linda sighed, "Will he be alright?"

Isabella glanced down at Ferb, then up at Phineas, who gave his mother a thoroughly frightened expression and said, "We don't know."

Trying to make her single tear less obvious (and failing miserably), she turned back to her dishes.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher," Isabella added with a minuscule smile, "Everything will be fine; I'm sure."

Linda tightened her lips and gave a single stiff nod, not even noticing the fact that she had been cleaning the same plate for far too long. Phineas and Isabella sauntered off together with Ferb, afraid to say any more.

"Okay," Isabella interjected once Ferb was in his coffin, "What the heck's wrong with him?!"

"Like I said before, I don't know. It's the most peculiar thing ever. He has a pulse, but the venom's annihilating the blood as fast as it's being made."

Isabella's eyebrows were raised halfway to her hairline. "A pulse?! He's a vampire! He can't have a pulse!"

"Precisely! That's why it's so odd. It's almost as if..." Phineas trailed off as he pondered his unspoken thought. He looked down at his older brother, who was still halfway unconscious but obviously in severe pain. It looked so familiar; he was sure he had seen this before. Isabella on the other hand, was enraged by Phineas' indecision.

"As if what?!"

"But that's impossible... Unless..."

"Are you even listening to me?!" Isabella fumed.

"But what if...?"

"I bet," Isabella remarked, "I could say absolutely anything, and you wouldn't even notice!"

"No, that doesn't make sense..."

"Ya know, I think I'm gonna get my tongue pierced tomorrow..." Isabella said quite loudly.

"Maybe if he..."

"And while I'm at it, I might get a tattoo, too. It'll be a giant pink unicorn with a platypus bill, right on my forehead..."

Phineas furrowed his eyebrows and checked Ferb's pulse again.

"I'm cheating on you with Buford," Isabella suggested.

"Uh, what?" Phineas looked right at Isabella.

"Oh, /now/ he listens to me!"

"Wait, you were serious?!" Phineas looked thoroughly disgusted. Truthfully, it didn't seem like Isabella cheating on him was what bothered him; it was the fact that it would be /Buford/.

"No! I was tying to get your attention! What were you thinking in that space-out session?!"

Phineas thought for a moment before realizing what she was talking about. "Oh! I believe that Ferb's turning human again. But there's one major problem with that."

"And what would that be?" Isabella crossed her arms.

"There's only two ways that could happen: one, he's gone off of blood long enough that he had an allergic reaction, but there isn't a trace of blood there except the stuff he's producing himself. Two, he's been going off of blood long enough that his venom weakened, and when another vampire bit him, his mutated immune system started producing blood cells to fight it off like a virus. But there aren't any other vampires here, so that would be impossible."

"Well, is there any sign of a bite?!" Isabella asked.

Phineas snapped his fingers. "I didn't even think of that!" He lifted Ferb's head. As he turned it, he gasped.

"What?!" Isabella asked.

"Oh, my gosh, there's a bite!"

"Well, what do we do?"

"We leave him alone, and check back in a few hours. He seems to be waking up, and I don't wanna know what he'll do to two werewolves, being as unstable as he is."

"Alright," Isabella replied as she followed Phineas outside.

Finally waking up, Ferb still lay motionless, with an unsteady pulse, torn between consuming and producing blood, which could only mean one thing.

He was turning human again.

Flashes of memory pricked his mind, and suddenly his eyes popped open. With a shaky voice, he muttered, "Why is this happening? Why did she do that?"

Outside, Phineas and Isabella were listening. "Who's he talking about?" asked Isabella.

"I have absolutely no idea."

Meanwhile, Ferb continued. "And now I'm going to die. You killed me! Why?!"

Isabella cocked an eyebrow.

"It's official," Phineas muttered. "He's lost it."

"Oh, like that's never happened to anyone before," Isabella rolled her eyes.

"Look, it isn't the same thing! Werewolves' emotions go insane all the time; you should know that, but a vampire? Unless he's in his blood-sucking mode, he should definitely be sane. And yet, he's in there babbling nonsense!"

"Look, you said it yourself; he's unstable. Maybe we should check back tomorrow; he'll probably be better by then."

"Alright, but one question," Phineas sighed.

"Yeah?"

"How is he supposed to be at Candace's wedding tomorrow?"

**A/N: In case you didn't notice, yes, yes, I _did _use repetition from the last chapter there. Anyway, see you soon!**


	13. The Wedding

**A/N: Et voila! Another chapter; albeit a short one. But there's a lot of plot covered, so...**

The arrangement was beautiful, to be frank. Now, if you don't like frankness when speaking of weddings, you'll just have to read the next paragraph:

The Flynn-Fletcher backyard had been transformed in the last two hours, which was very nearly a Phineas and Ferb rate. It noticeably resembled the first wedding Candace had planned, but with an obvious lack of ice sculptures. And, of course, the cake was actually, you know, _cake_. The Justice of the Peace had arrived; everything seemed to be in place, yet something seemed to be amiss. It was as if they were missing something, or someone, unspeakably important, who would have to be an absolute imbecile not to show up. Someone who Candace and the rest of the family loved very dearly, and had been reminded time and again of this major event. Yes, someone was definitely running late, but who?

"Hey, where's Perry?" asked Phineas.

_Ah, that must be it,_ thought Candace, relieved. _Yeah, we even saved a seat for him, right between Phineas and- wait..._ "Phineas!" Candace yelled, rushing toward the werewolf.

"Y-yes?" Phineas stammered in reply.

She narrowed her eyes, "Where's Ferb?"

Out came a string of excuses: "He isn't feeling well... Or looking well... Or, ya know, moving..."

"Not moving, huh?" A deep voice interrupted, "Is that so? Then how, might I ask, did I get out here?"

In the once-empty chair, there was seen a green-haired young man who looked absolutely nothing like a vampire. His skin was tanner than it had been in more than a year, his fangs were replaced with those of a typical human, and he was out in the sun without any of the death-inducing effects. His hair was combed down, and he was wearing the same suit as the other guys in the audience. Could it be?

The Flynn siblings, in unison, asked, "Ferb?"

"Digital effects," Ferb admitted. "But at least I could come, in a sense."

"Aren't you dying?" Phineas stated as bluntly and emotionless as possible. "And completely losing it?"

Ferb chose that moment to let out an extremely frightening wheezy sort of cough. "Yeah, I'm pretty much dead," he whispered, his voice suddenly raspy. "But losing it? I'll let you know when I start seeing talking zebras." He attempted to suppress a smile.

"Well, alright then, I guess it's show time," Candace turned away, but glanced back, "You sure you're alright, Ferb?"

"No, in fact, I'm almost certain that I am completely not-alright. But I can fake it, and the effects make me look fairly normal."

"Well, okay then..." And with that, she walked off.

"Dude, how did you rig this?" Phineas was genuinely intrigued.

"I was already planning on using this for the wedding; I just had to turn it on."

"When did you snap out of the whole 'Why did you do this to me' state?" Phineas asked, still extremely confused.

Ferb shut his eyes tight and let out an exasperated breath. "I didn't," he muttered. "I still can't believe that she..." Trailing off, his eyes unfocused, and he slipped into a world of his own.

"Who's she?!" Phineas asked.

"Nobody," Ferb replied, looking completely normal once again.

Phineas barely managed to contain the werewolf rant that was sure to come. "Ferb, you're scaring me. Who is it?"

"I- I... I don't know!" Ferb yelled.

"Yes, yes you /do/ know! You just aren't telling me! Ferb, who the heck are you talking about?!"

"Phineas, can we have this conversation later?"

Phineas looked at his brother, a mix of fear and anger in his eyes. Pausing a moment to think, he bit his lip and closed his eyes. "Fine," he finally mumbled.

Needless to say, the wedding was a little boring. Well, fine; more than a little boring. Very stereotypical and anticlimactic. The ceremony itself was to be desired, and the reception hosted very little interest in the minds of the boys.

After the whole affair, Phineas made his way up to his room to talk with Ferb, who looked much worse than he did yesterday, if such a state was even possible.

"Hey," Ferb said in a small whisper.

"Oh, wow. Are you okay- wait, stupid question. How long have you got?"

"Perhaps a day or two, if I'm lucky," he breathed.

"In that case, Ferb, I know what I'm gonna do tonight." Phineas replied.

"If you say so..."

"Just one question: who did this to you? Who's the other vampire?"


	14. Spoiler Alert: Ferb Dies

**A/N: Anyone like the chapter title? I betcha everyone wants to see ****_that_**** happen. Anyway, I've decided that I'm prolly gonna divide this story into two parts. The first, which you guys are reading right now, is centered around Isabella and the boys (probably gonna total around twenty-some chapters), and the next part (which'll be remarkably shorter, maybe five to ten chapters) is gonna be Baljeet, Brittany, and Buford (alliteration, anyone?). Then at the end, there can be a five-part finale thing that kinda sums up the story. Anyway, for now, read:**

_In the event that something tragic happens, bring tissues._

_ In the event that you are murdered by a vampire, too bad; no one cares._

_If you think that anyone will feel sorry for you, you're wrong. _

_Trust me, I know._

_I am the Predator, and you follow my rules now._

_The one assumption I don't get is that I'm some other character, like Ferb, the Author, or (heaven forbid) Vanessa._

_Trust me, I'm different._

_I'm _

_so_

_much_

_worse._

_You have seen nothing as of yet._

_The Author doesn't even know what's going on._

_She assumes that I am Ferb._

_But that makes no sense._

_Look at it this way..._

_Ferb is either dying or turning human._

_That simply cannot happen if he has been drinking blood._

_Second, you noticed the wolves howling at the moon in my first scene, right?_

_Right._

_Then, pretty soon afterward, you noticed that Ferb was standing guard at the same time, until he was bitten._

_Yes._

_Yes, that was me._

_Do not act surprised._

_Anyhow, Ferb was not the maniacal killer._

_That was also me._

_The author referred to me by name, in case you were too imbecilic to notice._

_Now._

_You want to know why I am hijacking this story and telling major details._

_Well, I hope you like suspense._

_Oh, you do not?_

_Fine._

_I will leave._

_But I have a spoiler._

_A big spoiler._

_One that just might kill you._

_Ferb dies._

_Phineas will find the solution, but I will be most..._

_Disagreeable, so to speak._

_No, I do not know for a fact that this is exactly how it will happen._

_But the only way for Ferb to live and be human involves me._

_And I will not help him._

_Because he killed me._

_That horrible little demon killed me._

_How could you kill me, Ferb?_

I thought you loved me...

_Disregard that last sentence._

_The author has broken in._

He loved me, and I'm alive!

Ferb, take me back!

Ferb, I'm alive!

_Shut up_,

_Shut up,_

_Shut up!_

_Or I just might kill you..._

Ferb, it's me! It's-

_No one!_

_ I am no one!_

_ He hates me,_

_he hates you,_

_he hates everyone!_

_He is a guiltless creature,_

_with no sense of sympathy!_

_Kill him!_

_Kill him!_

_Kill the very essence of_

_FERB FLETCHER!_

**A/N: Psychotic episodes, anyone? Gosh, who could Ferb have possibly turned into a vampire, if Vanessa's dead? Guess you'll find out... Now, review if you liked it, flame if you didn't, and if you don't care, tell me! I'll update ASAP.**


	15. If You're Confused, You're Not Alone

**A/N: Okay, I've been at sleep-away camp, so... Yeah, no updates. Y'know how stuff is. Anyway, I'm posting two chapters today, then I'll only have three left until the next book, which will indeed be released, as I have recently decided. It's a trilogy again! Yay! So, from here, things get confusing. You've already read the break-in Predator chapter, which introduced a minor villain (though the Predator thinks of itself as a major villain...), and showed that Ferb has accidentally created a vampire, who is seriously out to get him. Anyway, back to the boys!**

I am extremely sorry about this Predator person. I myself am a touch confused as to how the vampire exists. I have figured most of it out, though. I won't tell you until the next chapter, but I have figured out quite a bit, and knew most of it before the Predator even came to be.

The Predator is a twisted being, that much is clear. Anyway, I've skipped a bit of the conversation that we left off at last time. the basics: Ferb knows who the Predator is. In fact, they appear to have been romantically involved, as odd as it sounds. You know what? I'll just start here:

"Okay, so you're saying that you've been assassinated by some random psychopathic vampire who refers to herself as the Predator?"

Ferb nodded, "Yeah, pretty much."

"Well, okay then. I'll be working on an antidote if you need me..." Phineas trailed off, obviously thinking that Ferb had finally lost it.

Within minutes, Phineas' bed had turned into a work area, with notes and papers everywhere, his computer with at least fifty vampire mythology-related pages open on the internet, a few biological compounds that may or may not work, and two or three cups of coffee. Had the situation been less urgent, Ferb might've smiled at the familiar sight.

"Any theories yet?" he wondered.

Phineas' lip tightened, "A few... Most of them require human blood samples. We might need your old blood..."

"Is there any way to recreate it? Perhaps we could take a sample of the blood I'm making right now, and copy it," Ferb spoke without even thinking.

"You'd die before we got enough; it wouldn't work. Any other solution would involve forcing the venom out, but it'd be toxic for anyone except a vampire to suck it out. And it would dissolve any non-vampire surface..."

"Could we find someone with my blood type? Is there any way that would work?"

"Ferb, I don't know. What's your blood type?"

Ferb admitted, "I'm not sure, but-"

"Well, that's _very_ helpful. Would Dad know?"

"Perhaps, but-"

Suddenly, the door opened to reveal Mrs. Flynn-Fletcher, her hair gnarled, her eyes bloodshot, and her face contorted into a angered yet surprised glare. "Ferb? You awake?"

"Right here, mum," Ferb waved and managed a weak smile.

"Is- is it true? Are you a... You know..." She mouthed the words: _a vampire_.

"Currently in the process of becoming human again, if I don't die first."

Phineas elaborated, "Another vampire bit him, which'll either make him human or kill him; I'm still not entirely sure."

"Well, uh... How long has he been a vampire?"

"Halloween last year," Ferb sighed. "Sort of a sick joke, when you think about it."

"So, the hood and the ditching school and stuff..." Linda muttered in scary realization, "That was because of this?"

"Yes," Ferb replied, "yes, it was."

"Why didn't you tell me? Does this have anything to do with Isabella's spending the weekend here, or Baljeet's sudden disappearance, or Phineas' temper?"

"Mum, look. How would you have reacted if you'd found out that I was a bloodthirsty monster?" Ferb stared at the ground.

"Wait," Phineas added, "Whataya mean my temper?!"

That earned a displeased glare from both family members.

Phineas gave a smirk, "Kidding; kidding. No, Izzy was a witch, I'm a werewolf, and Baljeet turned into Britney Spears, sort of kind of..."

"Gee, are all teenagers monsters?" Linda managed a smile.

"Well, all teenagers who were at our Halloween party, oddly enough. We all turned into what we dressed up as for Halloween," Phineas smirked.

"Okay, so that explains the whole 'disappear into the woods one night a month' thing... I dunno, I'm having a hard time processing this..."

"If only we had a pamphlet..." Phineas responded, followed immediately by a cliché, "Oh, there you are, Perry."

"Well, alright. Are you guys okay? Do you need any help?"

Phineas was about to shrug off the question, but figured it wouldn't hurt to ask: "Do you happen to know Ferb's blood type?"

Linda paused, contemplating. "Ya know, I think it's B-, but I'm not quite certain. You'd have to ask your father..."

"Okay, then. I think that's it for now." Phineas replied.

"'Kay..." Linda said as age left.

"Ferb?" Phineas asked. "Do you have Dad's number?"

Then he noticed the fact that Ferb was passed out on his bed. With a shaky sigh, he announced, "Well, back to my research then."

**A/N: Holy Ferb! Spoilers! I know, right? Anyway, see you in about ten minutes with another chapter! Review!**


	16. Human Again for the Time-Being

**EDIT- So, my computer did something odd, and I thought the chapter was up, but it wasn't. I now have to rewrite it, since the document inexplicably disappeared, so... I'm bugged. Anyway, here:**

**A/N: Now, within the next few chapters, bring tissues, because it's gonna get depressing. This one should be okay, and I'm still not sure if I'm mentally capable of writing tear-jerkers yet, but... Just in case, an emergency pocket-sized pack such as the ones I myself am using because of my annoying cold would be recommended. Just for the record, I should be writing super-sonic speed now, since I have nothing to do, so if I don't update by Friday, you can yell and cuss and flame and stuff. Actually, don't cuss. I don't like cussing. Anyway, I'm WAY off-topic, so... Oh, just read it! I'm looking like an idiot!**

He dreamt of his angel.

"Ferb, you're growing closer," Vanessa spoke serenely. "Any day now, you'll join me."

Ferb furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

"Oh Ferb, have you not figured anything out yet?" She giggled, "We can be together again, and that's all that matters."

"Are you thinking of... Death?" Ferb gasped.

"Well, duh! Isn't that just what you want? I mean, you, torn between life and death, not belonging; don't you want some closure or something?"

Ferb had no idea how to respond to that. He would never insult his girlfriend (not to mention that he really did want to be with her), but what with all his friends and family members that were still alive... He blinked back tears and choked out, "I don't know. I really, truly don't know."

But, why not? Shouldn't the answer be obvious? What about love; true love?_  
_

And yet, he didn't want to die. What guarantee was there that he would end up with Vanessa. Based on judgement, they should be going to opposite sides of the afterlife. And what about Phineas, and all the work he was doing to keep him alive and well? How would Phineas cope with his death? Based on last time someone died, Phineas' actions would be unpredictable.

Then again, if Phineas knew that Ferb was going somewhere to be with Vanessa, would he act any better? Whether he lived or not was, after all, his choice.

Vanessa got his attention once again, "Ferb, come back to me. I need you." She wrapped her arms around him.

Ferb failed to hold back his sobs. "I... I killed you. Why would you ever want to see me again?"

Vanessa looked right into his eyes. She drew her hand out and smacked Ferb square on the nose (get it? Y'know, 'cos his nose is a... Oh, never mind...) "Yeah, I hate you. Now come back right away or I'll hate you even more!"

"Gosh, well when you put it that way..." Ferb touched his lips to Vanessa's momentarily, but just as quickly, they left. "I'll be seeing you, whenever I can."

"Ferb, that's not soon enough. If you say that, you'll live for years as a human as I wait." She sighed, "You're already sick; why don't you just end it? Don't take Phineas' offers. Just die. Come, see me again."

"Are you sure I should do that? I mean, I just... I don't know how Phineas will take it."

"He'll live, as ironic as that sounds. You guys have been bickering too much, anyway. You'd be better off without him and with me..." Vanessa said seductively.

"I just need some time to think... I need to figure this out." Ferb's indecision was driving him insane. He wanted to die about as much as he wanted to break Vanessa's heart, and Vanessa was already seeming to reach madness. When he thought about it, it was very possible that Phineas had already acted upon his plans, and that he had already been fixed.

_But_, he rationalized, _I'll be dead at some point anyway, so Vanessa will get me either way, and that would be for eternity, while Phineas and the rest would only see me for a bit longer if I died right here._

_Then again, they might join me again when they die. Perhaps._

_Wait, I don't even know how this afterlife stuff works, anyway! How do I even know that Vanessa is actually talking to me?_

_Didn't I swear that I would do anything for her? Wouldn't this make up for her death? An eye for an eye; a life for a life. That seems fair enough._

_Dang, if I keep this up, I'm gonna turn into Gollum or something! Why can't I just agree with myself?!_

Then he came to a decision... To decide once he woke up.

"Dear, I'll need you to appear tomorrow, too. I need to see my friends one more time before I decide," he brushed some stray hair off her face.

Vanessa pouted. "Ferb, it will be too late by then. You'll have to choose just a little after you wake up."

Ferb pulled Vanessa in close and kissed her. Vanessa wrapped her arms around him, and before either could comprehend anything, they were both on the ground, kissing and hugging and crying, portraying every emotion possible into this kiss.

When they finally broke apart, Ferb had somehow lost his shirt, and Vanessa's hair had curled and tangled, but neither noticed.

Ferb bit his lip for a moment before speaking, "I can't make up my mind right now. I'll just have to surprise you, I guess. I promise I'll come back for you." He gave her another kiss. "I love you, Vanessa. Please remember that."

"I love you too," Vanessa gave him a watery smile.

Suddenly, Ferb was lying on Phineas' bed, and he felt remarkably better. Sitting up, he saw everyone: his family, Isabella, Buford, Brittany (who seemed to be acting like Baljeet), even the Author was stealthily standing in the corner. She smiled at him wickedly, as if she knew something that he didn't.

Everyone else gasped when they first noticed him. He had obviously been out for a long time. The most odd part was his beating heart and breathing lungs, and a sudden desire to go into the kitchen. There was no temptation to kill anyone, even with all the human blood around.

He gasped in realization. He was human again.

"Bro," Phineas called, with an optimistic grin and a glow in his eyes, "I figured it out! You're saved!"

He stood up, and unattached some random IVs and such. "No. No, I can't be saved. I have to see Vanessa again."

"Ferb," Isabella said soothingly, "You just woke up, and you're probably a little out of it right now. Can you please sit down and stop acting crazy? I worked for hours on those!"

Ferb did nothing, but flatly stated, "No. I've made my choice. I need to see Vanessa again."

"Ferb, you're finally human again! You should be celebrating! Did you dream about something?" Phineas was growing fearful.

"Yes," Ferb admitted. "I dreamed about Vanessa. But she's actually out there! I need to get to her!"

"Ferb, Ferb, _Ferb_! It was just a dream! Please, just sit down."

And with that, Ferb ran.


	17. Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

**A/N: For any skeptics with good taste in music, yes, that _was_ a reference to the song by** the Clash.** Alright, I've got another chapter! Is anyone else excited that I'm posting faster? I'm planning on posting something tomorrow too, but don't quote me on that. Anyway, we're about to see just how Ferb reacts to the whole dream thing, and I bet people are wondering what happens, so I won't stall you anymore. Just read it.**

In retrospect, breaking the glass windows of a store may not have been the best way to unleash his anger on the universe.

No, Ferb didn't get arrested or noticed; his hands got slashed and he was bleeding. The sensation made him hyperventilate: he was bleeding, he was actually human. His heart raced (his heart raced!) as blood gushed from his hands. It took awhile to notice his light-headedness, and even longer for him to realize the dangers of it.

Then he saw her face. "Not a word from you. I'm gonna keep bleeding like this until I die, got it?"

The Author shook her head. "I wasn't arguing. You can kill yourself if you'd like. But it's gonna be real slow going if you do it like that."

"What are recommending?" Ferb asked skeptically.

"I'm not saying; I need more dramatic scenes first."

Ferb lifted her up by the shoulders (why was she suddenly so heavy?), and smashed her against the brick wall of the shabby store-remains. Tightening his bloody grip, he gave a shaky breath and threatened under his breath, "You tell me right now, or you're as good as dead."

Suddenly, Ferb's hand were healed, and the Author was standing about three feet away, completely unharmed. "You've forgotten what happened last time you enraged me. I recommend you stop trying to kill me, Un- Mr. Fletcher."

"I hate you! I bloody* hate you! Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you mess around with someone else's life?!"

The Author gave a savage growl. "Trust me, I have reason to hate you beyond anything. You just don't know it yet..." This confused Ferb greatly.

"So you're saying that one day, I'm going to so something horrible, so you're taking revenge on me... While I'm still innocent?" Ferb wrinkled his nose. "That hardly seems fair."

"I'm trying to prevent it by killing you! Don't you get it? I made you into a hostile yet vulnerable creature, put your brother and his girlfriend against you, and had you feel ultimate guilt and self-hate, just to top it all off. Your death has been planned since the beginning. All you need to do is get through these few chapters, and you will slowly and painfully die, much to the sorrow of Phineas and the rest of them."

"Wait, so this is all just an act? Everything we've been through?! What about the issues we had to solve to be returned to normal?" Ferb was actually taking it alright, considering the situation.

"Your issue had to do with Vanessa. If you die, you might see her again. Phineas and Isabella have already solved theirs, but Buford and Baljeet haven't even gotten close yet. I may choose to return you and Vanessa once they finish, but I might not. It depends. You need to promise not to betray any redheaded girls, though."

Ferb laughed. "Oh, of course not. I will never do anything to hurt gingers again. Now, let me die."

"Not yet!" The Author shouted. "You have to do my chapters first!

"Okay; fine. I'll play for your stupid story. When do I start?"

The Author offered a cruel smile. "Right now."

Suddenly, his hands were cut and blood-coated again. Phineas and Isabella had run at werewolf-speed to get to him.

Phineas roared, werewolf style. Gritting his teeth, he yelled, "What's wrong with you?! Have you gone crazy?!"

"I- I- uh... Sorry, I overreacted. I dreamed that Vanessa was calling me to meet her, and that I had to die to do it, and- and I... I need to see her again, Phineas. I can't live without her."

"Ferb," Isabella put a hand on his tense shoulders, "You've still got us. We're not going to let you die, so suck it up and deal, got it?"

_Okay,_ Ferb thought, _Maybe I won't die, after all._ He gave a weak smile. "Got it, Izzy."

"Alright, we need to get his hands bandaged, Phineas. We should get him back home."

"Okay. Grab on, bro, and try not to get my shirt all bloody."

Ferb scoffed, "Since when do werewolves wear shirts?"

Isabella eyed him. "Excuse me?"

"Fine; I'll restate that. Since when do _male_ werewolves wear shirts?"

"Apparently turning human hasn't changed his obnoxiousness. Alright, Mr. Comedian, let's go." Phineas let Ferb cling to him piggy-back style.

Let me repeat that, so that the full humor of the statement can reach your mind's eye: Phineas let Ferb cling to him, /piggy-back style/.

"Ya know, I was expecting you to be heavier," Phineas commented.

"In my defense, I haven't eaten in almost two years," Ferb replied.

And with that they left, giving Ferb time to debate between untimely demise and the possibility of seeing Vanessa, or remaining alive, and helping Phineas with his endeavors (not the least of which involved curing a few werewolves) and abandoning the Author (untrusted) and his dream (also untrusted).

He was still in a state of deep indecision, which bothered him beyond belief.

He breathed in the crisp February air deeply. It snowed lightly, almost angelically. Trees and houses were painted white by the dusting, and everyone seen outside (very few, given the late hour) was bundled up, except them.

All incompetent distractions, Ferb noted. He needs to choose, and the choices were both horrid. Even if the Author /did/ bring him back (which she probably wouldn't), he didn't know how much time would pass. His friends might all be dead by the time he got back.

But what if he stayed? What would Vanessa do to him once he died (if Vanessa was actually talking to him)?

But most of all, what would he do to the Author if he stayed?

**A/N: What will Ferb do? Why does the Author have any good reason to want Ferb dead? Will I keep good on my promises for fast update? Will you, as viewers, remember to review my story? All these questions and more will be answered, if you remain patient. So do your part, and I'll do the other three. That seems fair, right? Okay, see ya soon (unless I, like, die or something. Then I won't be updating for a very long while.)**

***Yeah, yeah. I've written a minor British curse. As Isabella said this chapter, suck it up and deal!**


	18. The Predator's Messed Up Love Life

**A/N: Okay, so I had a sleepover... And I'm going on a camping trip this week... So, I'll be writing plenty, but I won't be on the internet. Anyway, read on!**

One year earlier...

Gretchen was having, all in all, a wonderful night. She had finally convinced Ferb to give up on ever becoming Vanessa's boyfriend, and they had gone bowling together.

The one thing that bothered her was Ferb's hood. He insisted on having it up at all times, and she hadn't seen his face in four months now. Part of her loved this mysterious side of him, but the other was thinking of reasonable ways to kiss him.

"So," Ferb said as they were walking out, "What did you think?"

"It was fun. I loved it, Ferb."

"Really? That good? I assumed-"

Gretchen interrupted, "Ferb, it was the best night of my life, I assure you. The only thing that could possibly make it better would be if you took your hood off."

"No!" Ferb shouted quickly. "I mean, you don't need to see my face, do you?"

"Ferb, what's wrong? What are you hiding?" She jokingly grabbed his hood and pulled it down, all the while laughing.

Then she saw him.

She stopped laughing.

His cold, dead face looked like wet clay. His eyes were blood red and gave a frosted stare right through her heart. Thirty-two white fangs as sharp as knives were bared at her.

Basically, he looked like a freak.

Ferb quickly concealed his face once more.

Gretchen gaped. "You're- you're a-!"

Ferb pulled her into the nearest alleyway. "A vampire. I know. You can break up with me now."

"What? No! I mean, it's not like that. All because you're a- a- you know, doesn't mean I'm gonna ditch you. In fact," she got up on her tip-toes and leaned in, "Vampires are kinda sexy..."

Ferb's eyes shot open.

Blood.

No, not right now! Not near Gretchen!

Blood.

He couldn't. He wouldn't.

Blood!

Why? Why?! She'll die!

BLOOD!

His teeth slowly sank in.

A screech awoke him, and he backed away.

Gretchen yelped in pain. Tears rolled across her cheeks. Ferb held her in his lap.

"Oh, Gretchen. I'm so sorry..."

"No..." Gretchen managed, "You're not."

"Gretch, believe me, I-"

Gaining some strength from the venom, she stood and said, "Get away from me."

Ferb gaped, dumbfounded. How could she have transformed so fast?

"Now!"

Ferb couldn't move.

In sheer rage, she ran off.

Then she met the fire-haired girl; the Author.

The Author taught her about how horrible Ferb was, and how he had moved on to Vanessa just a few weeks after she had left.

She taught Gretchen how to be a predator. She taught her to be /the/ Predator.

The Predator was founded upon a sheer hatred of Ferb, and anything related to Ferb.

So, when she happened upon a certain green-haired teen in the woods, what choice did she have?

She bit him.

And now he would die.

She had won.

**Okay, I'm hoping on writing the remaining three chapters while I'm away this week, and perhaps w bit of the next book, too. But for now, that's all I've got. Bye!**


	19. Gretchen Breaks Up With Ferb- Again

**A/N: Okay, so I was feeling really bad about not keeping my update promises, so I wrote another chapter. I already knew much of the content, so I was just putting my thoughts into writing, but I stayed up till 2 AM, so gimme some credit. Anyway, I leave in less than seven hours, and I need to sleep, so I'm prolly not gonna see you again till at least Friday, but most likely Saturday. Now, read on:**

Read the last chapter, I posted two today. Just as a note.

Isabella had just left, and Phineas and Ferb were left to discuss some debatable decisions.

"Phineas, I want to die, alright? There's no point in staying here anymore. I need her." A single tear slid down his cheek. "It will drive me crazy if I don't die, I'll always wonder, do you understand that?

"Look, I get that you want me around, and that we've always been partners in crime, but you've still got Isabella. You've still got a life. You've got a lot going for you, and I've got pretty much nothing at the moment. Would you please just let me leave?"

Phineas gaped. "Okay, I spent weeks on that solution. Now, you're telling me that I have to let you go kill yourself, when I could've just let you die? I mean-"

"Wait," Ferb interrupted. "How did you save me, anyway?"

"He used me," an all too familiar voice answered. Ferb turned to see the Predator, except a little more human. In other words-

"Gretchen?" Ferb asked, suddenly grinning.

Her auburn hair was freshly washed and combed, she was wearing makeup, and she wore a plaid skirt with a white teeshirt. Gretchen was exactly as Ferb remembered her- except for the red eyes (with no glasses), pale skin, and fangs.

"Hey, Ferb. 'Sup?"

Ferb laughed, "Is that your version of Isabella's line?"

Gretchen grabbed both his hands. "That depends. Are you staying, or not?"

Ferb had no idea how to respond. Why must the world torture him so? "Look here, Gretch- I'm sorry, but-"

Gretchen whispered in his ear, "Don't finish that. I'm not sure if I wanna hear the rest," then she pressed her lips to his.

Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her. Gretchen leaned into him, wanting more and more. Whether it was blood or not that she craved, Ferb wasn't certain, but he gladly obliged. Gretchen had cornered him against the wall, and he had come to terms with the fact that he was losing his jacket.

What set in then was what Isabella had referred to as the "Dead Fish Effect"- that is to say, he was freezing his butt off kissing a vampire, and needed to stop before he got hypothermia.

But he didn't care. He could live or die, it was all up to Gretchen at this point. And Gretchen seemed to like him- very, very much- so he kept going. He barely noticed when Phineas left the room.

Gretchen's vampire strength marked the death of his shirt, which now sat tattered in the corner. There was lipstick all over, on his lips, cheeks, neck, and now-bare torso.

Ferb decided to move toward his bed, Gretchen clinging to him all the while. They laid together on the bed, kissing and hugging and ruining each other's hair.

It was only when they broke apart that Ferb realized how tired he was. He tried to stand, but immediately collapsed again, seeing spots. His breathing was heavy, and he was shivering from clutching the vampire for so long. Every alarm in his head was going nuts (what about Vanessa? What about the way Gretchen tried to kill you? Is there really any chemistry between you two?), but he had to admit that it had been enjoyable. When he saw Vanessa again, something like that would certainly be called for- perhaps even more than that- but for now, he was still very much alive and very much in an awkward situation.

Gretchen looked at him. "You know, Phineas wouldn't be the only one missing you. What about the rest of your family? Or Isabella? Perhaps Buford? And while I know that you think you'll se Vanessa if you do this, but would you please consider me instead? You can still see your family that way."

"Why does everyone make me feel guilty when I talk about this? I've made up my mind..." Suddenly, Ferb didn't seem so sure of himself.

"Look, I know it seems like I killed you, but I was possessed, brainwashed! That ginger with some sort of horrible grudge against you was controlling me." Suddenly, her eyes got misty. "We had something going, Ferb. Why don't you just continue that? We could pick up right where we left off. You could go back to school, now that you're human again, and you and Phineas could start inventing stuff again, just like old times. Doesn't that sound great?"

"You do have a point," Ferb supposed.

"And then you would go off to college next year- maybe we could find some place in Danville, so you could still be near Phineas. Then, a little further down the road, we could get married... I always dreamed of that..." Gretchen sighed wistfully.

"That would be brill," Ferb gave a small smile.

"Wouldn't it?" Gretchen laughed. "If you would only stay... My dreams would come true, Ferb. It would be amazing. We could have wonderful lives together. Why don't you stay?"

Why had he wanted to leave, anyway? His life was amazing the way it was, and if what Gretchen said would happen, it would be even better. "You're right, Gretchen. I should stay. Forget Vanessa, I've got you."

Gretchen looked shocked and excited. "I was hoping you would say that!" Then she kissed him again. Ferb, taken by surprise, blushed as his eyes opened wider. But he went with it and restarted what seemed to be a more romantic duplicate of their previous kiss.

At one point, Gretchen finally removed her purse from her shoulder, but seemed to have grabbed something from it. Ferb wasn't sure, though. What would it be, anyway? Breath mints?

Then she drew back, suddenly behind him.

"Gretch," he chuckled. "What is this?"

"Oh, you'll see any moment now. It's a surprise. Shut your eyes and cover your ears."

"Alright then." He obeyed her.

Suddenly, something seared through his rib cage- was that a bullet? No, it couldn't be, she wouldn't!

And yet, something dribbled down both sides of his body.

Blood.

No. He wasn't dying.

Blood.

Phineas walked in and gasped. "Ferb!" He rushed to him. With a glare at Gretchen, he asked, "How could you? He's dead!"

Blood.

"No, I'm not," Ferb corrected. No one seemed to notice.

Blood.

Something shattered, probably a window. Phineas muttered something about her getting away before turning his full attention to him.

Blood.

"Phin, I'm not dying. This is all... All just a dream, right? And I'll wake up soon?" Breathing was getting harder, and the blood was getting everywhere.

Blood.

Phineas smiled, though tears were streaming down his face. "I wish it was, Ferb. I really wish it was..."

Blood.

"Phineas?"

Blood.

"Y-Yeah?" Phineas replied shakily.

Blood.

"I'll find my way back, I promise. Just... Just worry about you... And Mum... And Father... And Candace... And Isabella..."

Blood.

Phineas sighed. "Got it," he mumbled.

Blood.

Suddenly, Ferb felt at peace. _I'm dying._ It wasfinally over.

Blood.

His vision blurred; his senses dulled.

Blood.

He could feel his pulse and his breathing slowing down to a halt.

Blood.

And then everything stopped.

Blood...

**A/N: Yeah, I totally went there. He died. So... Yeah, I'm way tired, so I'm just gonna end it here.**


	20. Only The Green-Haired Go To Hell

**A/N: Okay, last chapter of the book, guys! i had another idea for a chapter, but it didn't add much to the plot, so I went right to this. Anyone excited to see how it all breaks down? Well, read then, I see no point in reading this endless prattle.**

He awoke from his deep sleep to see naught but the blood red sky.

Groaning, he sat up. Where was he? What place was this horrid and depressing? Well, he didn't remember.

Didn't remember...

Why was he here? What had happened? Why couldn't he remember? He wasn't quite sure if he had amnesia, or if there was something else. It was quite frightening, actually.

Questions plagued his mind. Who was he? What was his name? Did he talk much? Was he even alive?

Wait, what sort of question was that? Of course he was alive! Sitting up, he tested his theory, but he was looking pretty dead. His oh-so-comfortable bed had been a coffin, and he was surrounded by flames and deep black spiky plants of some sort. If he was dead, and this was the place he thought it was, he must have been pretty bad during mortality. Perhaps he had killed someone.

The thought lingered, though it was insane. Killing, death, blood... They seemed related somehow. It seemed so close. He felt like he should remember, and yet there was a huge blank spot in his brain.

The heat made him sweat, and he started shaking.

Gaining some strength, he arose from his bed.

Suddenly, there came a flash, and a horrible shock. Lightening?

No.

His vision blurred into a much better, brighter landscape. Everything was white. He could see a beautiful young woman clothed in an elegant white gown, but didn't look too happy about it.

"Vanessa," he muttered absent-mindedly.

"Ferb," she responded. "Ferb, where are you? Why can't I see you?"

His stomach twisted into a knot, he practically removed his lower lip with his teeth, and his eyes widened.

His memory had just returned.

It wasn't very pretty.

"I don't know... Can you hear me?"

"Uh, yeah! Where are you?"

He gulped, "You aren't gonna like this..."

Vanessa seemed to be losing patience, "I'm not? Why don't you tell me where you are? I know you're dead, so where in heck are you?"

"That's just it, Vanessa," he replied, "I don't know exactly where... But I believe I'm somewhere in Hell..."

Vanessa pondered that for a moment, then nodded, "Okay, I suppose that makes sense. But how-"

And then he was back, with all contact gone.

He growled, "Really? Really?! Whoever did that, I was in the middle of a conversation!"

Then he heard a familiar cackling, and a red-headed figure walked toward him.

"You!" Ferb began the typical beginning wordplay. "Why- that is, how- are/you/ here?!"

"None of your concern. I'll tell you one thing, and one thing only. You will be able to see Vanessa again here, but it will be excruciatingly hard. Oh, this is so much fun. You don't even know the best part yet, but you'll have to wait till the climax of the next book for that," The Author smirked.

Ferb rolled his eyes and face palmed. "Why must you hate me so much? You didn't even answer my question! I mean-"

"I won't answer anything right now, so asking questions is useless. Anyway, your mother's coming, and someone else is about to wake up that I need a scene with, so I'll make my exit."

"You put Mum here, too?" Ferb asked angrily.

"You're thinking of the wrong person," the Author replied.

The Author left Ferb to ponder that, while a figure drew nearer. It was a woman in her mid-twenties. She wore a white lab coat, as pharmacists or Vanessa's father wore, with a purple shirt and jeans under it. She had deep brown eyes, she was wearing as much makeup as humanly possible, and her hair was platinum blonde, except for one streak in the front. One streak...

Ferb gaped. It couldn't be, that would be impossible. That woman was definitely on the other side. Well, okay, there were a few bad things, but still. This was positively insane. She couldn't be here...

Yet, one thing made Ferb certain of her identity. Her face had been a blur (he being four when she had passed), but he had remembered one unique fact of her appearance. Ever since he was about one or so, ever since his hair had turned green that one day (no thanks to that woman), she had had one single streak...

It was green. In the front, on his right, was a green streak. She had tried to grow it out (both her hair and his), but it had stayed that way, and would forever more. She had mutated the genes. It was no use.

He had such mixed feelings about this woman. She loved him, but she was positively mad, and a touch idiotic. Who would test a cure for baldness on a one-year old baby? She had been the reason he was looked at so oddly, and he hated that aspect of her existence in his life.

Then there had been everything else. She was a kind woman, for the most part, but when she had been diagnosed with cancer at the age of twenty-two, she was quickly losing hair due to chemo therapy.

She was already a little insane, but this drove her over the edge. Having a PhD in chemistry, she saw it fit to start testing a cure.

No, not for cancer. For hair-loss, of course. Because that was totally the way to go about that.

Anyway, she'd thought that she had found the cure, and had decided to test it on Ferb. Of course, she had noticed the ugly effects right away, and (without thinking of the effects of this on Ferb) was ready to close the book on it. She had picked up Ferb and her solution, but just as she was about to dispose of it, Ferb had started to squirm. The potion had spilled, dying just a bit of the woman's hair bright green, making her devastated (which was totally worth it). She had wanted perfect hair, and now it was ruined.

The concoction had worked, actually. When she had lost her hair, the green streak stayed. Pretty much, Ferb would have a full head of green hair forevermore, and (based on his genetics research) so would any children he had. This woman had messed with evolution on a major scale. The green plague would probably spread forever, which scared him half to death.

She had died just three years later, which had been half tragedy, half relief for both him and his father. Sure, they loved her, but she was raving mad. She had been ready to go.

Anyway, here she was, face-to-face with Ferb. She looked just as surprised as he did. "Ferb! You've joined me!" She quickly embraced him, a huge smile plastered on her face.

As she drew back, Ferb blinked, and paused for a moment.

"Mother?" He asked incredulously.

TO BE CONTINUED IN THE FINAL BOOK OF THE TRILOGY: **REALITY**

**A/N: Dun dun dun! Hehehe, I have left you all with more questions, rather than answering any you might've had. Now you'll just have to read the next book. Until then, sayonara, peace be unto you, and all that crap. Don't kill me for leaving you at this point. Now review, my minions!**


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